Recently I watched the film “I don’t know how she does it” starring Sarah Jessica Parker as a working Mum and I think the title sums up the basic plot.
It’s a must-see for any of us that are trying to juggle a career as well as being the ‘perfect Mum’ and a reminder that no matter how hard we try we will never quite live up to everyone’s expectations. But what I love about this film is that it highlights the fact that, actually, that’s ok. We don’t have to be perfect at either role all the time. We just have to be there. Turn up, do our job to the best of our ability and most importantly know that when all is said and done family has to come first. Because we can say we are working for a better future or life for our children but they aren’t children for long. In a blink of an eye their childhood is gone and if you’re not careful you’ll miss it.
I love the fact that SJP doesn’t give up the job she loves for the family she loves more because as she says “without this job I’m not me” but it does highlight the fact that when you have kids, things change. It’s not easy to adjust to a life where spontaneity is rare and being able to go out for drinks with your girlfriends at short notice is unheard of. Shopping trips involve logistical planning and overpacked bags with enough nappies, bottles and a change of clothes to last the afternoon.
Where romance is being able to watch a whole film uninterrupted or eat a meal with 2 hands and sleeping through the night is the new sex.
For the most part you’re exhausted before you even begin.
Your life is never your own again and that’s why it’s important to hold on to that part of yourself where you perhaps feel a little more successful than you do at home – well sometimes!
But to be a working Mum is to be in a constant battle of yourselves. Black power suit (or whatever you wear for work!) on one shoulder versus puked on, exhausted self on the other. Finding the perfect balance is hard but worth it (I think anyway).
And women do all this under the cloud of a gender bias too. I’m not going to get into that discussion – I’m a dancer so I accepted inequality in the workplace a long time ago but it is there and exists even before we have children because, of course, the assumption is that we all will.
In this world of social media it is easy to show the world how well we do it because only the good stuff is ever shown to the public. We can all be as successful as we want to on paper because who wants to flaunt their failings? No-one really knows what goes on behind our computer screens or how hard it really is. In reality ‘how she does it’ is to wing it most of the time. And that’s why I really enjoyed watching this film because it sums up how I feel every day!
I shared SJP’s excitement of opening her wardrobe to find an outfit that doesn’t have a stain on it.
When asked by a colleague if she has a Rice Krispie on her jacket rather than hide it or just get rid of it she tastes it and then explains ‘ah no it’s just pancake batter’. How many times have I done something similar not even noticing anymore that maybe to those without kids that’s not normal behaviour?! And thank God it did turn out to be chocolate! ?
Like SJP’s character (because I’m sure the real SJP would never do this) I would be the Mum that buys a cake and passes it off as her own. (Although most people know I can’t bake to save my life so that little trick probably wouldn’t stay a secret long!)
I fall asleep choreographing routines and making lists to make lists!!
When she cries because she discovers the babysitter has taken her son for his first haircut I cry with her. And for me that is the most apt part of the film. That even dressed in a smart suit carrying a briefcase and off to her high-powered job in investment banking she is still a Mother and only another Mum can understand the importance of a ‘first hair-cut’ and how heartbreaking it is to miss it. Or any ‘first’ for that matter.
Jobs come and go but from the moment you meet your baby you are a Mama and that’s one role you will never quit – even if there are days you might seriously consider it.
There are people I know who make the juggling of work and Motherhood look not only easy but attractive. As someone who struggles to find the time to get jobs done every day I really don’t know how they do it. I am in constant awe of their time management skills and wish someone would share the secret with me.
Still, when I take a step back I realise I’m not doing quite such a bad job, in either role, as I think. My school is doing well and my boys are healthy and happy. They are surrounded by love and provided with new experiences and opportunities to learn and have fun every day. We have clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and food in our cupboards, we even managed a family holiday this year. So my house might be a mess, I’m certainly no Nigella Lawson in the kitchen, I still haven’t mastered the German language, I don’t update this blog half as much as I would like and I’m on my phone doing work stuff way too often but when all is said and done I am there when it counts and my boys will always be my first priority (the big one included).
So I might not know how ‘she’ does it but I’ll just keep doing what ‘I’ do and maybe one day someone will say that about me! (Just as long as I never invite them round my house ?)
Sweet Dreams –
Mama Atzi x
