“About Time”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

So I think we have established that if there was a prize for taking THE longest time between publishing posts I would be top blogger by far! Luckily, I write this blog for my own release – and attempt to remain sane during the particularly exhausting parts of Motherhood – and in the hopes it makes a few parents in similar situations feel a little better and not as a career. And let’s face it life would be even more exhausting if I was relying on my blogging skills to keep my family alive since we clearly would not be able to afford food, electricity or, more importantly these days, Red Bull!

Still, as we are 4 years in to the #Brexit debacle and STILL no sign of a deal I hope you will forgive me for taking my time too – and I promise that is the last time I will mention the B word! (In this post atleast!)

Quite a lot has happened since my last post and at this point I must say that, honestly, most of 2018 is somewhat of a blur! I can definitely tell you, I became a proud Auntie, twice! Both girls! A role I must say I love. Mostly because you get to enjoy the cuddles and the cute bits whilst handing them back at the point of crying, pooey nappies or general grumpiness! But also because I finally get to buy girly clothes and toys!

I also know that the year ended in one of the best UK Christmasses we have had but all things that go up must come down and sadly 2019 started off the same as 2017 as we lost my Grandad in January. 

Although I prepared myself this time round and could put a name to that foggy haze of grief when it hit, I have been filled, as last time, with those awful feelings of guilt and regret, wishing I could have, and knowing I should have, spent more time and effort visiting him.

It doesn’t matter that the costs of travelling regularly from Vienna to the North East of England are rather beyond me or that I have been working and setting up a business as well as raising 2 children, one of whom is now at school and therefore not so easy to just fly over to the UK regularly, those feelings of regret will always be there.

I can’t change the past though – as much as I would like to – but I can make sure to spend more time doing the things that give me “joy” (to coin Marie Kondo’s term^) and less time worrying about the other things which, I hope, will ultimately help to get rid of those feelings of regret and guilt. I think when it comes to the people you love there will never be ‘enough’ time anyway so all you can really do is try to spend the time you do have in the best way you can. Quality over quantity so to speak. In a nutshell, time goes quick (as we have seen) so make the most of it! 

So on to the matter at hand, i.e. being an exhausted Mama….

Since last writing I have a 3 year old!!! (Actually by now he’s nearly 4!) I know – where did that year go right?! I told you time moves fast! 

Not only that; we are out of nappies (by day) – wooh hooh! We have amazingly slept through the night more than once – wooh hooh! And we are actually somewhat conversing – wooh hooh! (Although he still prefers speaking in German. Both amusing – when he’s talking to my Mum who doesn’t understand a word – and annoying – when he’s talking to my Mum at 7am in the morning and I have to shout to translate!!) 

Despite all of that we are still absolutely 100% exhausted!!! Because turns out that unlike LJ who really became an angel once he hit 3, Little M takes the terrible 3’s (or are we now technically into what I am calling the FFS 4’s?!) to a whole new level. 

If it wasn’t such a serious status these days one might even refer to him as a miniature terrorist. His favourite word is ‘Nein’ usually said with the most evil of faces you will ever see on a cherub like 3 year old. If we go left he goes right. He would happily go to Kiga in his Pyjamas everyday. He’s the child that sees the Naughty Step as a fun place to be and pretty much would live off Kinder Eggs and carbohydrates if you let him! He idolises his brother and wakes up every morning either on a rampage to find LJ or in absolute tears because he has already gone to school. 

Despite being a ‘the sun is up so I have to be up’ kind of person he is the grumpiest of kids in the morning ever. Now we all know I am no morning person but surely if you believe the sun is your cue to get up you should have some kind of sunny disposition to go with that…?! Kids and logic never did go well together though did they?

We have also seen 7 year old tears and tantrums as the reality of homework sets in and the trauma of learning to read has been something I did not ever expect (or know how to deal with!) – being someone that loved school and could always read beyond my years from an early age. Still, I can also sleep through anything (earthquakes, hurricanes, children screaming for more milk, toddlers jumping on your head….) and like to eat everything so I guess not sharing my educational feelings should not come as a major surprise either!

A few lessons from Super Nanny* did get us into a relatively calm period for a while. The cutting down on tv, chocolate, use of Mama’s phone and finding fun ways to do additional reading work has proved, as is often the case, that the simple answers are usually the best ones. 

And sleep wise things have also been looking up…

I don’t know whether it’s just been my new outlook on life and dedication to Sarah Knight’s^^ method of “getting my shit together” and “not giving a f*&k” about the things I don’t want to, i.e. getting up in the middle of the night for anything other than illness, bad dreams or potential kidnapping, that has led me to believe Little M has been generally sleeping better or whether he really has been but either way, for the most part, I do feel a little like things on the sleep front have improved. 

Which is good, because I am soooo over the not sleeping thing! It was bad enough that I was promised with baby 1 that he would sleep once he started eating solids then, failing that, he would sleep when he hit 6 months old….then when he walks……when he starts Kindergarten……when he hits 2……. blah blah blah. If you’re taking the time to read this then I imagine you know the drill! 

Well, he was 3 years old! It coincided with (finally) giving up the dummy. So, with baby no.2, although I of course held onto a hope it would be “different this time” (cue more baby advice: number 2 is always easier and you only get 1 bad sleeper! INSERT “heard it all before so please shut up” emoji here) I also knew that chances are we wouldn’t. 

I did not, however, expect it to be worse!

When we got rid of the dummies (earlier than we did with LJ) I really thought this would be it and when it wasn’t I convinced my self it would happen when he turned 3. After all, Little M had never really woken BECAUSE of the dummies so there was no reason for there to be a clear link between that and him sleeping through. What I should have considered is, that since we could never really put a finger on why he woke up (beyond the new baby period when he needed milk) that there was no reason to expect when he turned 3 he would miraculously work out that reason for himself and leave us to it!

The night we blew out those 3 birthday candles I smugly thought this was going to be it but of course it wasn’t. So I finally succumbed to my husband’s acceptance** that he was not going to sleep through and nothing we could do would change that. I must say it is quite liberating taking control of what you can’t control. And somehow it has got better. Somehow, without really noticing – maybe because by this point I am so exhausted I just don’t even know what is going on anymore – he’s sleeping. I can’t call it “sleeping through” because it’s not regular but he is sleeping!

So it seems acceptance is the key after all. I always took it as a sign of weakness. Like accepting meant you were giving in. But since I have been on this “get your shit together” quest I have realised that accepting is something you actually do out of choice and is therefore a sign you are in control instead of something being in control of you. By deciding enough was enough and realising that “get up for whinging child” should only be on my ‘must do’ list in the case of illness, bad dream or potential kidnapping, life and more importantly nights, have become decidedly better and so has my mood (honestly, it has!) 

So it seems those ‘5 stages of grief’ guys were right after all and in the case of sleeping so was my husband (just don’t tell him I said that!)

We still have our sleep dramas – more on the traumas of actually getting the kids into their respective beds next time which I hope, rather than promise, will be sooner than 2020! 

Sweet dreams –

Mama Atzi x

 

References: 

^Marie Kondo – The Japanese tidying expert, star of Netflix show “Tidying up with Marie Kondo” and best-selling author who wants to spark joy with the KonMari Method.

www.konmari.com 

Book- The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”

^^Sarah Knight – Anti-Guru, creator of the NotSorry Method and best-selling author of books aimed at Mental Decluttering and taking manageable steps to changing your life

Books referenced – “Get Your Shit Together” and “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k”

*www.supernanny.co.uk

** see ”Sleepless in Schwechat” http://www.exhaustedmamaclub.com/?p=46

“The Hunger Games”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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So the Olympic Games are sadly over in Rio (although atleast we still have the Paralympics to enjoy) and in their honour we seem to be having some of our own lately. Musical beds being top of the list and with gold going straight to Little M, silver to LJ and, well, Ste and I aren’t even in the top 10.

Every night seems to be a blur at the moment with heat, teeth and growth spurts meaning extra toilet runs to keep us busy!

And while the games were on it was not helped of course by the fact that, due to the time difference, most of the finals and medal matches were at 3.30am!! To be fair I have relied mostly on my Team GB app and next day replays (apart from the Murray v Del Potro final – also known as the most uncomfortable match in the history of tennis – but it was one I just could not bring myself to miss and am so pleased I got to see Murray take the Gold again, even if I did need match sticks the next day!)

Olympic fever definitely hit our family this Summer though and drawing on the inspiration Ste and I have been getting into some training of our own!

I have been feeling rather sluggish of late, not helped by our little boy’s recent teething escapades but also in part to my overactive thyroid condition and the fact that I haven’t really done any regular exercise since M was born (I know, horrendous right?!).

I haven’t really been eating properly either and as someone who suffered gestational diabetes this time, watching what I eat has become a higher priority than ever as I really don’t want to end up with full-blown diabetes.

I toyed with the #Whole30 and bow down to my much stronger friends who have gone for it but at the moment it is a bit too much for me so instead I’m opting for an ‘everything in moderation’ approach and cutting down on things like bread and pasta that I feel have added to my bloatedness – especially while I’m not doing the exercising to warrant so much carbohydrates!

In terms of fitness we have downloaded the 7 minute workout challenge and have been doing it every day. 7 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot but the fast paced approach (30 sec exercise, 10 sec rest – which is more like 5 by the time you have set yourself for the next exercise – and 12 exercises in total) definitely has our hearts pumping, sweat dripping and muscles reacting. The idea is that the workout can be done anytime, anywhere and because of the intense interval training the set up is relative to a longer workout. For optimal results you obviously want to be increasing to as many circuits as you can manage with the ultimate goal of increasing your metabolism and therefore energy levels and overall fitness. It’s not something that’s going to work for everyone but for me, who just needed something to give me that motivational boost and remind me that I actually quite like working out, it has been great so far and we will be increasing to 2 circuits soon.

Of course when you watch the sheer strength and determination of the Brownlee brothers or the speed of Usain Bolt. The stamina of Mo Farrah or the power of the rowers my huffing and puffing over 30 seconds of running with high knees seems a bit excessive but as the BBC keep saying: if the Games have inspired anyone to take up even 1 new thing it’s worth it.

The best thing has been LJ’s interest. He wants to ‘do sport’ with Mama and whilst the plank, with his little shadow sitting on top of me, is a bit of a harder work-out than I intended, anything that gets my children excited about exercise is amazing.

The best thing about the Summer – especially this wonderful one we are having – is being able to get outside and just have fun with it! Children learn and develop better when they don’t realise they are learning. And in the same way they enjoy and get fitter through activities and sports that they don’t attribute as ‘exercise’. Make it fun and it all seems easier to handle. And what’s more if you can handle that hard work you might even reap the rewards of being part of something as special as the Olympics.

I have no aspirations of being a hero myself but I have been inspired to get off the couch and try to be more like those sporting heroes I have been following and I’m using my children’s help to do it.

So, we have have been running and climbing. Playing football and tennis. Swimming and scooting. And quite frankly the constant going up and down stairs as we are at my Mum’s house at the moment is enough of a workout in its own right.

And then there’s my 7 minutes because, well, every little helps.

Next year I will have a six pack when I put my bikini on again (maybe!)

I will have the energy to run across the sand with my children and not want to collapse before I get to the sea.

I will be able to teach a whole workshop without my back playing up because my stomach muscles will be strong enough to hold me upright.

Our bodies go through a lot when we have babies, regardless of what injuries and illness may also slow us down, but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with it. With the inspiration of some friends and the many super heroes from the Olympic Games, and the many more to follow in the Paralympics, I am slowly trying to get back into gear and remind myself that I once had a hunger for sport.

The Olympic Games may be over but I’m determined in our house it is just the start – for all of us. So let the games begin and “may the odds be ever in [our] favour!”

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“I Don’t Know How She Does It”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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Recently I watched the film “I don’t know how she does it” starring Sarah Jessica Parker as a working Mum and I think the title sums up the basic plot.

It’s a must-see for any of us that are trying to juggle a career as well as being the ‘perfect Mum’ and a reminder that no matter how hard we try we will never quite live up to everyone’s expectations. But what I love about this film is that it highlights the fact that, actually, that’s ok. We don’t have to be perfect at either role all the time. We just have to be there. Turn up, do our job to the best of our ability and most importantly know that when all is said and done family has to come first. Because we can say we are working for a better future or life for our children but they aren’t children for long. In a blink of an eye their childhood is gone and if you’re not careful you’ll miss it.

I love the fact that SJP doesn’t give up the job she loves for the family she loves more because as she says “without this job I’m not me” but it does highlight the fact that when you have kids, things change. It’s not easy to adjust to a life where spontaneity is rare and being able to go out for drinks with your girlfriends at short notice is unheard of. Shopping trips involve logistical planning and overpacked bags with enough nappies, bottles and a change of clothes to last the afternoon.

Where romance is being able to watch a whole film uninterrupted or eat a meal with 2 hands and sleeping through the night is the new sex.

For the most part you’re exhausted before you even begin.

Your life is never your own again and that’s why it’s important to hold on to that part of yourself where you perhaps feel a little more successful than you do at home – well sometimes!

But to be a working Mum is to be in a constant battle of yourselves. Black power suit (or whatever you wear for work!) on one shoulder versus puked on, exhausted self on the other. Finding the perfect balance is hard but worth it (I think anyway).

And women do all this under the cloud of a gender bias too. I’m not going to get into that discussion – I’m a dancer so I accepted inequality in the workplace a long time ago but it is there and exists even before we have children because, of course, the assumption is that we all will.

In this world of social media it is easy to show the world how well we do it because only the good stuff is ever shown to the public. We can all be as successful as we want to on paper because who wants to flaunt their failings? No-one really knows what goes on behind our computer screens or how hard it really is. In reality ‘how she does it’ is to wing it most of the time. And that’s why I really enjoyed watching this film because it sums up how I feel every day!

I shared SJP’s excitement of opening her wardrobe to find an outfit that doesn’t have a stain on it.

When asked by a colleague if she has a Rice Krispie on her jacket rather than hide it or just get rid of it she tastes it and then explains ‘ah no it’s just pancake batter’. How many times have I done something similar not even noticing anymore that maybe to those without kids that’s not normal behaviour?! And thank God it did turn out to be chocolate! ?

Like SJP’s character (because I’m sure the real SJP would never do this) I would be the Mum that buys a cake and passes it off as her own. (Although most people know I can’t bake to save my life so that little trick probably wouldn’t stay a secret long!)

I fall asleep choreographing routines and making lists to make lists!!

When she cries because she discovers the babysitter has taken her son for his first haircut I cry with her. And for me that is the most apt part of the film. That even dressed in a smart suit carrying a briefcase and off to her high-powered job in investment banking she is still a Mother and only another Mum can understand the importance of a ‘first hair-cut’ and how heartbreaking it is to miss it. Or any ‘first’ for that matter.

Jobs come and go but from the moment you meet your baby you are a Mama and that’s one role you will never quit – even if there are days you might seriously consider it.

There are people I know who make the juggling of work and Motherhood look not only easy but attractive. As someone who struggles to find the time to get jobs done every day I really don’t know how they do it. I am in constant awe of their time management skills and wish someone would share the secret with me.

Still, when I take a step back I realise I’m not doing quite such a bad job, in either role, as I think. My school is doing well and my boys are healthy and happy. They are surrounded by love and provided with new experiences and opportunities to learn and have fun every day. We have clothes on our backs, a roof over our heads and food in our cupboards, we even managed a family holiday this year. So my house might be a mess, I’m certainly no Nigella Lawson in the kitchen, I still haven’t mastered the German language, I don’t update this blog half as much as I would like and I’m on my phone doing work stuff way too often but when all is said and done I am there when it counts and my boys will always be my first priority (the big one included).

So I might not know how ‘she’ does it but I’ll just keep doing what ‘I’ do and maybe one day someone will say that about me! (Just as long as I never invite them round my house ?)

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x