“Open All Hours”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

Chasing this little guy = 1 super exhausted Mama but sleep versus this face = no contest!

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Fear not fellow sleep deprived parents; I have not abandoned you. You should know by now that my long silences are usually the result of yet another bad sleeping period! And alas I can confirm that I am still very much an exhausted Mama.

It has been approximately 521 nights since our beautiful boy arrived and approximately 520 nights of broken, disturbed sleep.

I reported a midweek miracle not too long ago in which we had a fleeting moment of hope for more sleep filled nights but, as predicted, it was not to last and I can honestly say that is the only time in the 521 days of my darling boy’s existence that I would use the sentence “he slept through the night”. (I friggin’ hate that sentence!!! Even more so in question form!)

For a brief period I did feel like he was genuinely getting better. The milk in the night stopped completely and if he did wake up he would happily have some water or baby tea and go straight off again. I could cope with that. I think we have even had a brief period where he was only waking once.

But then the dreaded teeth started moving again. Dribble by day (literally covered in his own saliva like something out of Ghostbusters which is unbelievable for me as LJ never dribbled a drop!) and at night a little demon. Waking constantly in pain and discomfort. Ye ole faithful Calpol didn’t seem to deter it and only Bonjela on the dummy was enough to get him to doze off again – for a mere 2 hours at a time!

In the Summer though we somehow managed to get into a routine where we could just lie him down in the cot, leave him and he would drop off on his own. Previously he was a complete ‘rock to sleep in our arms baby’ so this felt like a real turning point and then that magical night came and I almost (almost!) let myself believe we had turned a corner but then…..yep, another damn tooth!

Since then we have had good and bad nights again. A horrendous couple of weeks when we got back home after our trip to the UK and then a bit more of a settled period. Recently he has been giving us atleast a bit of an evening before causing chaos in the middle of the night – sometimes literally wanting to get up and play at 3am! But he has atleast maintained a fairly quick routine of being put to bed on his own, and at a decent hour, so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much!

The problem with Baby M, however, is that no matter how he sleeps he wakes up early. Usually between 6 and 6.30am and as someone who is really not a morning person it just drains me. And when he has had a particularly bad night and then STILL wakes up at 6am it’s a killer. I am at this time truly grateful to the makers of morning children’s tv and can honestly say I have no guilt whatsoever about switching the tv on – when I can manage to wearily reach for the remote control – and let him sit between us in bed (oh yeah I forgot to mention he rarely makes it to morning in his own bed anymore!) watching cartoons whilst we try to snooze.

I will admit I am very lucky that my darling husband is always on breakfast duty. Sometimes I even get a coffee brought to me! I manage to drag myself up to get the boys dressed (around about the time of the Ritterburg cartoon) and LJ’s stuff sorted for kindergarten and somehow we are out of the house by 7.45. But most mornings it is a blur.

These days I am back home having done the food shop, put the washing on, tidied the kitchen and emptied or stacked the dishwasher by the time I would normally be hitting the snooze button and my brain demanding its first caffeine kick of the day. It makes me laugh to think I used to call 9am early! I can honestly say I have never been so tired.

I used to be a person that was up late into the night. Sometimes not going to bed until 2am, knowing I could get up late. The truth is I probably didn’t get all that much more sleep back then but the point was I was in control of it. If I wanted to go to bed early I could, if I wanted to get up late I could. Now I’m totally at the mercy of my children and it’s hard not being in charge of your own sleep patterns. It’s especially hard feeling so exhausted at 8pm that your body and brain already wants to go to sleep but that stubborn part of you that wants to be in control won’t let you go to bed that early. So instead you sit up watching Netflix or doing work that can probably wait.

At the time of writing this I am sat on a plane on the way to London for work. Child free! I can not wait to sleep. Don’t get me wrong I will miss my babies. I will wonder what they are dong all the time I am not with them but when I snuggle into those bed covers and lay my head down on that pillow I will be smiling. And when my friend’s little girl stirs (which she rarely does to be honest) I will simply roll over and be grateful that for once I don’t have to be the one to get up!

They always say you don’t appreciate things until they’re gone and sleep theft is no exception.

With that in mind though you just have to remember what you would miss more….sleep or your children. I know, sometimes that feels like a tough one!, but sleepless nights is just 1 short (albeit horrendous) period in their lives. Trust me, it took 3 years with LJ but we got there in the end.

When I have a particularly bad night that’s what gets me through. A life without sleep is tough but survivable, a life without my children would not be worth living.

So I’ll enjoy the sleeps I get and revel in moaning about the painfully exhausting nights that are oh, so familiar because in the end pain is good, pain means you’re alive.

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“The Hunger Games”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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So the Olympic Games are sadly over in Rio (although atleast we still have the Paralympics to enjoy) and in their honour we seem to be having some of our own lately. Musical beds being top of the list and with gold going straight to Little M, silver to LJ and, well, Ste and I aren’t even in the top 10.

Every night seems to be a blur at the moment with heat, teeth and growth spurts meaning extra toilet runs to keep us busy!

And while the games were on it was not helped of course by the fact that, due to the time difference, most of the finals and medal matches were at 3.30am!! To be fair I have relied mostly on my Team GB app and next day replays (apart from the Murray v Del Potro final – also known as the most uncomfortable match in the history of tennis – but it was one I just could not bring myself to miss and am so pleased I got to see Murray take the Gold again, even if I did need match sticks the next day!)

Olympic fever definitely hit our family this Summer though and drawing on the inspiration Ste and I have been getting into some training of our own!

I have been feeling rather sluggish of late, not helped by our little boy’s recent teething escapades but also in part to my overactive thyroid condition and the fact that I haven’t really done any regular exercise since M was born (I know, horrendous right?!).

I haven’t really been eating properly either and as someone who suffered gestational diabetes this time, watching what I eat has become a higher priority than ever as I really don’t want to end up with full-blown diabetes.

I toyed with the #Whole30 and bow down to my much stronger friends who have gone for it but at the moment it is a bit too much for me so instead I’m opting for an ‘everything in moderation’ approach and cutting down on things like bread and pasta that I feel have added to my bloatedness – especially while I’m not doing the exercising to warrant so much carbohydrates!

In terms of fitness we have downloaded the 7 minute workout challenge and have been doing it every day. 7 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot but the fast paced approach (30 sec exercise, 10 sec rest – which is more like 5 by the time you have set yourself for the next exercise – and 12 exercises in total) definitely has our hearts pumping, sweat dripping and muscles reacting. The idea is that the workout can be done anytime, anywhere and because of the intense interval training the set up is relative to a longer workout. For optimal results you obviously want to be increasing to as many circuits as you can manage with the ultimate goal of increasing your metabolism and therefore energy levels and overall fitness. It’s not something that’s going to work for everyone but for me, who just needed something to give me that motivational boost and remind me that I actually quite like working out, it has been great so far and we will be increasing to 2 circuits soon.

Of course when you watch the sheer strength and determination of the Brownlee brothers or the speed of Usain Bolt. The stamina of Mo Farrah or the power of the rowers my huffing and puffing over 30 seconds of running with high knees seems a bit excessive but as the BBC keep saying: if the Games have inspired anyone to take up even 1 new thing it’s worth it.

The best thing has been LJ’s interest. He wants to ‘do sport’ with Mama and whilst the plank, with his little shadow sitting on top of me, is a bit of a harder work-out than I intended, anything that gets my children excited about exercise is amazing.

The best thing about the Summer – especially this wonderful one we are having – is being able to get outside and just have fun with it! Children learn and develop better when they don’t realise they are learning. And in the same way they enjoy and get fitter through activities and sports that they don’t attribute as ‘exercise’. Make it fun and it all seems easier to handle. And what’s more if you can handle that hard work you might even reap the rewards of being part of something as special as the Olympics.

I have no aspirations of being a hero myself but I have been inspired to get off the couch and try to be more like those sporting heroes I have been following and I’m using my children’s help to do it.

So, we have have been running and climbing. Playing football and tennis. Swimming and scooting. And quite frankly the constant going up and down stairs as we are at my Mum’s house at the moment is enough of a workout in its own right.

And then there’s my 7 minutes because, well, every little helps.

Next year I will have a six pack when I put my bikini on again (maybe!)

I will have the energy to run across the sand with my children and not want to collapse before I get to the sea.

I will be able to teach a whole workshop without my back playing up because my stomach muscles will be strong enough to hold me upright.

Our bodies go through a lot when we have babies, regardless of what injuries and illness may also slow us down, but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with it. With the inspiration of some friends and the many super heroes from the Olympic Games, and the many more to follow in the Paralympics, I am slowly trying to get back into gear and remind myself that I once had a hunger for sport.

The Olympic Games may be over but I’m determined in our house it is just the start – for all of us. So let the games begin and “may the odds be ever in [our] favour!”

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“About A Boy”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

“Don’t argue with a four year old. Just don’t. They’ll out-do you any day and if they don’t have the words or a sound argument, they’ll just keep asking ‘why’.”*

 

As my baby (the first one!) reaches his 5th birthday – yeah 5! Where did that go? – I’m feeling a bit reflective. So much has happened over the last 5 years but I have to say this last year has been one of my favourites:

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My boy is wonderful, obviously I would say that because I’m his Mother, but he really is. I love being the Mama of a 4 year old boy. It helps that he sleeps very well these days, other than the midnight toilet trip and occasional bad dream, but this age is just so precious and innocent and full of wonder and curiosity that it makes me view life in a whole new way. I love seeing the world through his eyes.

Don’t get me wrong he has his moments!! Stubborn like his Mama. If I get asked to watch another Batman versus Lightning McQueen youtube video I may scream and the fussy eating I could definitely live without.

Every experience he has is almost exaggerated and whilst this might mean a few overdramatic responses to bumps and scrapes (or his little brother playing with one of his toys!) sometimes it also means you can genuinely see his joy magnified in everything he does. A playground is like Disneyworld to him, the local swimming pool is as good as the biggest water park in the world. He appreciates everything he has and I love that about him. His excitement when he receives something new or goes to an indoor playroom for the first time is wonderful and the look on his face when he feels like that is precious.

He is a very lucky boy. The first Grandchild on both sides with doting Uncles, Aunts and Great-Grandparents so he doesn’t want for much anyway but Christmas was an extra special affair this year. The first time I felt like he really understood everything that was going on. The first time he got really excited about Christ Kind and Santa Claus and had something to believe in. When he walked into the lounge and saw the presents he was so overwhelmed it brought tears to all of our eyes. But what I loved most about it was how genuinely appreciative he was of every present he had, taking time to play with everything he opened rather than just ripping through the paper and moving onto the next thing as quickly as possible (hence it took about 4 days to get through everything!)

I watched a video on youtube recently of children in a home in Africa opening care packages that had been sent from the UK. What to so many of us are simple gifts – crayons, books, small cars, bubbles – yet their reactions of excitement and sheer happiness was incredible. It was a humbling thing to watch, a reminder that we often take what we have for granted, but watching my son experience these moments for the first time is just as humbling. His reactions and sense of wonder are also magical and I just hope I can teach him to always appreciate things like that (though I sense that will become harder in time.)

Like his Mum he is pretty shy, especially in new situations or around people he doesn’t know so well, but I’m proud to say he is one of the most popular children at kindergarten and I often feel like a celebrity when I pick him up: “So you’re LJ’s Mum, —– talks about him constantly!”

And one thing we have always prided ourselves on with him-the one thing I felt we got right!-is how polite and well-mannered he (usually) is. Here in Austria people laugh when he says ‘Ja, bitte’ or ‘Nein, Danke’ because the literal translation from Yes, please and No, thank you is not used in the same way as such but for me the important thing is that the words are said. Yes we still have to remind him sometimes but generally he does it himself and I always have to smile when I say thank you to him and get a ‘you’re welcome’ in return.

In general the conversations we have now are so much more in depth and fun. His speech may not be quite what it ought by this stage but I personally am in awe of how he switches between English and German and translates things for me. And how he knows who he should speak which language with. How he can choose whether to watch a film in English or Deutsch.

I even love our arguments! Children are just so open and honest and say it how it is. Arguing with a 4 year old is hilarious and trying to keep a straight face when he gets annoyed or angry with me is pretty hard sometimes.

The running commentary about everything he does – including announcing at the top of his voice every time he goes to the toilet – is equally amusing. If a little unnecessary at times!! But Mr LJ is the boss in our house and without his voice our house would be pretty quiet and lonely.

I love our little in-jokes and when we play tricks on each other. But my absolute favourite at the moment, the one that melts my heart is our I love you chat usually reserved for bedtimes and goodbyes-

I love you LJ

I love you Mama

I love you more

I love you more

I love you the most

I love you the mostest

It changes order and has extra mores and mosts sometimes but we always agree in the end to love each other the same (although I’m pretty sure I’ll always love him a bit more!)

The funniest thing was when we watched Tangled one day (another favourite pastime when we snuggle up on the sofa with popcorn and watch a Disney film) and they say the same thing! LJ was like ‘Hey! That’s what we say!’

Life with LJ is like living in a musical! Explosive and dramatic sometimes with mini-tantrums and crying for stupid reasons (usually because I tell him his iPad time is up!) but he’s so happy the next, making up stories and acting out scenes from Arlo and Spot and singing constantly! He loves singing and honestly, whilst by the 5th refrain of Mummy Finger where are You? I want to go on Amazon and immediately purchase the most expensive ear plugs I can find with next day delivery, I love listening to him. To me singing people are happy people and really that’s all I ever want him to be.

There’s been lots of new adventures and things to learn this year – riding bikes, swimming, gym classes, starting to write his name – and whilst there are areas we have stumbled on and some we need some extra help with I am proud of everything he has achieved so far and take such joy in the excitement he shows by his accomplishments. I am so looking forward to the year ahead.

If you are reading this and thinking that doesn’t sound like my 4 year old or mine has been doing that for years, well, you’d probably be right. LJ isn’t like any other 4 year old. But that’s a good thing because it is the differences between our 4 year olds that make them, them.

So I wouldn’t change a thing about my boy. My wonderful, handsome, quirky, funny, newly turned 5 year old boy. Who I love more, than more just the way he is.

Happy Birthday LJ!

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

 

*excerpt taken from – http://www.heysigmund.com/developmental-stage/

“24”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

in or out

What a week of whinging and whining it has been and not just from my teething 1 year old! I spent the last 2 weekends working in the UK and the madness that has grown from one week to the next in regard of the referendum (taking place as we speak!) has been horrendous.

For me, having already cast my overseas vote by post 2 weeks ago, I could breathe a sigh of relief (sort of) and step back to watch the battle from the sidelines but for those that had not yet decided I can only imagine the confusion being dredged up.

The absolute bitterness that has been evoked in some people is shocking and regardless of the outcome tomorrow morning I think Britain has a lot of rethinking to do – whether independently or as part of the EU.

The lies that have been broadcast in relation to “Brexit” are actually ridiculous and the worst part is that people believe them. It worries me that some people are so uninformed and take certain statements as gospel, without further investigation. Not only that but these same people are making noise about something they do not even have the facts over. Trusting tweets and Facebook statements or a single headline in The Express without reading the full story or looking into other accounts to me is unfathomable and yet these people are going to vote today (well, if they actually had the sense to register and put actions to their words) and help change our country forever.

I think most shocking of all has been the way the sickening death of MP Jo Cox has been used, ironically by both sides of the fence, to gain support or knock down others. Whilst she was an avid fighter for the Remain group she was much more than that and though she would perhaps be happy if her death led to others researching her work and voting the same, or opposite, because they have been rightly convinced either way, I don’t believe someone that felt as strongly about politics as she did would want people to vote her way ‘just for the sake of it’.

More importantly though she was a Mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter and in her final moments I imagine she saw only the faces of her beautiful children and her husband with whom she shared them. When this madman chose to take away this beautiful person (inside and out from all accounts) I very much doubt her mind was on the upcoming referendum and I think it is an additional tragedy that her final memory was used in such a way.

Yes, it is a scary time. One of unease and uncertainty. Even if we get the result we want no-one really knows for sure what the future holds and we will never know which was the better option because, for right or wrong, the result tomorrow is definitive and can only go one way. There is no going back. We have to move forward. I just hope however we do it we can do it together. I hope this obvious split between us does not fester and cause more hate and fear because we all know who’s hands we are feeding into then and that is a slippery slope. We already live in a world where terrorists are a reality and not just the thrilling storyline on ’24’. We can not give them any ammunition. Whatever the outcome we have to stand together for a Better Britain, a more peaceful world and be strong.

I am by no means a political expert. I read arguments from both sides, researched statistics, considered the opinions of those I know who are more worldly and intelligent than myself and eventually voted based on my own personal experiences and gut instinct.

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to hear I voted to REMAIN. I enjoy the simplicity the EU allows when it comes to living and working between my home country and that of my husband. My children are half English, half Austrian and I am happy they can enjoy growing up in a world where their 2 homes are all part of a greater union. I am still proud to be British and I don’t believe this needs to change because we are not ‘completely independent’. In this world of uncertainty I think it is important to have friends. I am not going to go into more details. I certainly don’t want to bias anyone or inflict my opinion on you. This referendum is about everyone in the UK speaking up for themselves and what they believe in. I only hope, whatever you vote, you back your belief up with information from a variety of sources and not just what you have had thrown in your face on social media.

For me it is important to remember migration works both ways so I have voted, not so much for me, but for my children. I want them to grow up in a world where they are free to make their own choices, where travelling around Europe and learning about other cultures is easily accessible. I want my children to be able to fall in love with whoever they choose and to do so without prejudice. I want my children to embrace their neighbours and to be the kind of people that, wherever they go, they will work hard and contribute to the society that has homed them.

I actually have yet to meet a single person who wants to leave, including strangers I have talked to on the plane or in a cafe, but remain or leave I believe there are many people who still share the hardworking values that actually made Britain great in the first place.

A lot of those people are from the EU. Hardworking, lovely people who have done more to contribute to our society than many who were lucky enough to be born in the UK.

I believe in educating my children to be proud of where they come from without taking anything for granted and being accepting and tolerant of others – wherever they come from. I believe in fighting for my country and not blaming others for our supposed downfall.

In less than 24 hours time we will have an answer but IN or OUT my values will not change. I hope for others they do.

 

Sweet Dreams

Mama Atzi x

“The Holiday”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

For a family of seasoned travellers we don’t seem to have much luck when we go away and this, much awaited vacation, was no exception….

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My husband and I met working on ships and so were lucky enough to get to see some of the world together. Even if it wasn’t exactly a holiday – well for him anyway as he had a “proper job” onboard – we did see some amazing places together: India, South Africa, Namibia, The Norwegian Fjords, Iceland, The Seychelles amongst others and the times we had and the memories we made there were fantastic. But a few hours here and there are not the same as a proper holiday somewhere. When you work on a ship there is always a time pressure. If you are not back on board by your curfew you get a warning, if you drink too much and get caught you get a warning, you bring something on or off that you shouldn’t, you get a warning. 3 warnings and you’re off. So whilst it is amazing your time is still not fully your own, to do with it how you please.

And when you finally settle down on land with someone from another country you inevitably spend your holidays in the home-land of your other half. For the 5 years we lived in London most holidays were spent in Austria or visiting my family in Norfolk. We only went to another country once in all that time and that was due to a wedding.

Once we moved to Austria then holiday was reserved for England. So this trip This ‘proper holiday’ where you stay in a hotel where the sheets and towels are cleaned for you and all you have to worry about all day is whether to lie by the pool or the beach. Where all your drinks and food are just there waiting for you and you don’t even have to wash up afterwards. Well, this was very much what we have needed. To put it in perspective we haven’t even ever had a honeymoon so I think it is fair to say we deserved this holiday. But of course, when you have kids, anything goes….

The night before we flew to Turkey (yes, we went to Turkey and before you ask no we weren’t worried and yes we felt safe the whole time) I went on a rare night out with the ladies. I knew it wasn’t going to be my night the second I saw the missed call from my husband, who never phones me when I am on a night out. After a few calls and texts it becomes clear I need to get home quickly and when I do there are both boys wide awake and in bed with my husband because poor LJ has been sick everywhere, several times. We manage to get LJ to sleep finally but Little M is wild and running all over the place while I finish getting sorted for the holiday. By the time we get him to bed we have about 2 hours before the taxi is arriving!

We get to the airport, drama free, and then at security poor LJ is sick again – all over the floor! By this point I am also not feeling too good and soon after leg it to the toilet myself. A bug seems to have hit us. Little M has at this point also been suffering from conjunctivitis for a few days prior to the trip and isn’t 100% either so when the ‘Delayed’ sign flashes up on the screen it’s really not boding well. It’s the first flight of the day – how can it possibly be delayed already?! 

Somehow we board and depart on time. Hooray! LJ sleeps and all seems a bit better (once I have visited the toilet one more time!) and then, just as I have given Little M milk and am trying to lull him into a nap, he also projectiles all over himself and me and of course in the drama of the night before I have no spare clothes for him.

We arrive at the resort tired and covered in dry sick but the resort is beautiful and the sun is shining (I have surpassed myself on finding this place!) and all seems well again – until Stefan’s tummy also starts to feel a bit dodgy. By this point I think the holiday is doomed but somehow we all seem to be back on track after an afternoon nap and our first of 7 amazing dinners.

The weather was great for the first 2 days and then came my birthday. Actually I have no complaints. The weather forecast said rain all day but infact the morning was gorgeous and when it did rain, in the late afternoon, Little M was asleep in his pushchair, me and Lukas were snuggled and playing on the comfy sofas by the pool and the guys were at the bar in prime position to keep bringing me spritzers whilst making friends with the nicest bar man at the hotel (something that always comes in handy!) Back in the room I had a lovely cake waiting with Happy Birthday iced on the plate and I definitely made the most of the all inclusive bar that night. Everything was looking up so of course….

The next day we discover what looks like an allergic reaction on the baby. The spots came on and off for the rest of the holiday and a couple since we were back (although now nothing since). We thought it was the milk so went out for Aptamil but it wasn’t. Maybe something in the food but he really didn’t have anything he hasn’t had before. Our only real thought was the detergent or some kind of bug from either the beach or the beds. We still don’t know. Thank fully it didn’t seem to affect him and because of LJ’s allergies we always have piriton on us just incase. The plus side – nap time was great!

Thursday saw a full day of rain which was pretty gutting but luckily we had ship friends now living in Fethiye to meet up with so it didn’t dampen the mood and our last day was great. So despite it all we really did have the holiday we had hoped for. A shame that stupid tummy bugs didn’t give it the best start but when it comes to children, especially when they are in Kindergarten, unfortunately these things come to try you more often than you would like and usually at the worst possible times. Sod’s Law.

The moral of the story is it doesn’t actually matter what happens on holiday the important thing is that you make the time to go. Being away from home and work and real-life and getting to spend some quality time with our family was just amazing. Illness, bad weather, allergic reactions, whatever, it’s still better when you’re away from the real-world in a sunny climate full of happy, friendly people who are all there for the same reason – to relax and enjoy themselves.

I thought I would be really depressed once I got back home and I suppose for the first week I was suffering a bit of the post-holiday blues but actually now the sun is starting to shine here too, work has been great (if a little stressful at times!) and I feel inspired again for the first time in a long while. For me traveling the world has always been top of my list. Now I am a Mama it has to come a little lower but knowing we can do both and have an amazing time despite illnesses, bad weather and allergies makes the future all that little bit more exciting.

So bring on the next one…….

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

(We stayed at the all-inclusive Jiva Beach Resort, Fetiye, Turkey. Package holiday with Tui (Thomson Holidays) and we would thoroughly recommend it).