“Open All Hours”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

Chasing this little guy = 1 super exhausted Mama but sleep versus this face = no contest!

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Fear not fellow sleep deprived parents; I have not abandoned you. You should know by now that my long silences are usually the result of yet another bad sleeping period! And alas I can confirm that I am still very much an exhausted Mama.

It has been approximately 521 nights since our beautiful boy arrived and approximately 520 nights of broken, disturbed sleep.

I reported a midweek miracle not too long ago in which we had a fleeting moment of hope for more sleep filled nights but, as predicted, it was not to last and I can honestly say that is the only time in the 521 days of my darling boy’s existence that I would use the sentence “he slept through the night”. (I friggin’ hate that sentence!!! Even more so in question form!)

For a brief period I did feel like he was genuinely getting better. The milk in the night stopped completely and if he did wake up he would happily have some water or baby tea and go straight off again. I could cope with that. I think we have even had a brief period where he was only waking once.

But then the dreaded teeth started moving again. Dribble by day (literally covered in his own saliva like something out of Ghostbusters which is unbelievable for me as LJ never dribbled a drop!) and at night a little demon. Waking constantly in pain and discomfort. Ye ole faithful Calpol didn’t seem to deter it and only Bonjela on the dummy was enough to get him to doze off again – for a mere 2 hours at a time!

In the Summer though we somehow managed to get into a routine where we could just lie him down in the cot, leave him and he would drop off on his own. Previously he was a complete ‘rock to sleep in our arms baby’ so this felt like a real turning point and then that magical night came and I almost (almost!) let myself believe we had turned a corner but then…..yep, another damn tooth!

Since then we have had good and bad nights again. A horrendous couple of weeks when we got back home after our trip to the UK and then a bit more of a settled period. Recently he has been giving us atleast a bit of an evening before causing chaos in the middle of the night – sometimes literally wanting to get up and play at 3am! But he has atleast maintained a fairly quick routine of being put to bed on his own, and at a decent hour, so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much!

The problem with Baby M, however, is that no matter how he sleeps he wakes up early. Usually between 6 and 6.30am and as someone who is really not a morning person it just drains me. And when he has had a particularly bad night and then STILL wakes up at 6am it’s a killer. I am at this time truly grateful to the makers of morning children’s tv and can honestly say I have no guilt whatsoever about switching the tv on – when I can manage to wearily reach for the remote control – and let him sit between us in bed (oh yeah I forgot to mention he rarely makes it to morning in his own bed anymore!) watching cartoons whilst we try to snooze.

I will admit I am very lucky that my darling husband is always on breakfast duty. Sometimes I even get a coffee brought to me! I manage to drag myself up to get the boys dressed (around about the time of the Ritterburg cartoon) and LJ’s stuff sorted for kindergarten and somehow we are out of the house by 7.45. But most mornings it is a blur.

These days I am back home having done the food shop, put the washing on, tidied the kitchen and emptied or stacked the dishwasher by the time I would normally be hitting the snooze button and my brain demanding its first caffeine kick of the day. It makes me laugh to think I used to call 9am early! I can honestly say I have never been so tired.

I used to be a person that was up late into the night. Sometimes not going to bed until 2am, knowing I could get up late. The truth is I probably didn’t get all that much more sleep back then but the point was I was in control of it. If I wanted to go to bed early I could, if I wanted to get up late I could. Now I’m totally at the mercy of my children and it’s hard not being in charge of your own sleep patterns. It’s especially hard feeling so exhausted at 8pm that your body and brain already wants to go to sleep but that stubborn part of you that wants to be in control won’t let you go to bed that early. So instead you sit up watching Netflix or doing work that can probably wait.

At the time of writing this I am sat on a plane on the way to London for work. Child free! I can not wait to sleep. Don’t get me wrong I will miss my babies. I will wonder what they are dong all the time I am not with them but when I snuggle into those bed covers and lay my head down on that pillow I will be smiling. And when my friend’s little girl stirs (which she rarely does to be honest) I will simply roll over and be grateful that for once I don’t have to be the one to get up!

They always say you don’t appreciate things until they’re gone and sleep theft is no exception.

With that in mind though you just have to remember what you would miss more….sleep or your children. I know, sometimes that feels like a tough one!, but sleepless nights is just 1 short (albeit horrendous) period in their lives. Trust me, it took 3 years with LJ but we got there in the end.

When I have a particularly bad night that’s what gets me through. A life without sleep is tough but survivable, a life without my children would not be worth living.

So I’ll enjoy the sleeps I get and revel in moaning about the painfully exhausting nights that are oh, so familiar because in the end pain is good, pain means you’re alive.

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“The Hunger Games”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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So the Olympic Games are sadly over in Rio (although atleast we still have the Paralympics to enjoy) and in their honour we seem to be having some of our own lately. Musical beds being top of the list and with gold going straight to Little M, silver to LJ and, well, Ste and I aren’t even in the top 10.

Every night seems to be a blur at the moment with heat, teeth and growth spurts meaning extra toilet runs to keep us busy!

And while the games were on it was not helped of course by the fact that, due to the time difference, most of the finals and medal matches were at 3.30am!! To be fair I have relied mostly on my Team GB app and next day replays (apart from the Murray v Del Potro final – also known as the most uncomfortable match in the history of tennis – but it was one I just could not bring myself to miss and am so pleased I got to see Murray take the Gold again, even if I did need match sticks the next day!)

Olympic fever definitely hit our family this Summer though and drawing on the inspiration Ste and I have been getting into some training of our own!

I have been feeling rather sluggish of late, not helped by our little boy’s recent teething escapades but also in part to my overactive thyroid condition and the fact that I haven’t really done any regular exercise since M was born (I know, horrendous right?!).

I haven’t really been eating properly either and as someone who suffered gestational diabetes this time, watching what I eat has become a higher priority than ever as I really don’t want to end up with full-blown diabetes.

I toyed with the #Whole30 and bow down to my much stronger friends who have gone for it but at the moment it is a bit too much for me so instead I’m opting for an ‘everything in moderation’ approach and cutting down on things like bread and pasta that I feel have added to my bloatedness – especially while I’m not doing the exercising to warrant so much carbohydrates!

In terms of fitness we have downloaded the 7 minute workout challenge and have been doing it every day. 7 minutes doesn’t sound like a lot but the fast paced approach (30 sec exercise, 10 sec rest – which is more like 5 by the time you have set yourself for the next exercise – and 12 exercises in total) definitely has our hearts pumping, sweat dripping and muscles reacting. The idea is that the workout can be done anytime, anywhere and because of the intense interval training the set up is relative to a longer workout. For optimal results you obviously want to be increasing to as many circuits as you can manage with the ultimate goal of increasing your metabolism and therefore energy levels and overall fitness. It’s not something that’s going to work for everyone but for me, who just needed something to give me that motivational boost and remind me that I actually quite like working out, it has been great so far and we will be increasing to 2 circuits soon.

Of course when you watch the sheer strength and determination of the Brownlee brothers or the speed of Usain Bolt. The stamina of Mo Farrah or the power of the rowers my huffing and puffing over 30 seconds of running with high knees seems a bit excessive but as the BBC keep saying: if the Games have inspired anyone to take up even 1 new thing it’s worth it.

The best thing has been LJ’s interest. He wants to ‘do sport’ with Mama and whilst the plank, with his little shadow sitting on top of me, is a bit of a harder work-out than I intended, anything that gets my children excited about exercise is amazing.

The best thing about the Summer – especially this wonderful one we are having – is being able to get outside and just have fun with it! Children learn and develop better when they don’t realise they are learning. And in the same way they enjoy and get fitter through activities and sports that they don’t attribute as ‘exercise’. Make it fun and it all seems easier to handle. And what’s more if you can handle that hard work you might even reap the rewards of being part of something as special as the Olympics.

I have no aspirations of being a hero myself but I have been inspired to get off the couch and try to be more like those sporting heroes I have been following and I’m using my children’s help to do it.

So, we have have been running and climbing. Playing football and tennis. Swimming and scooting. And quite frankly the constant going up and down stairs as we are at my Mum’s house at the moment is enough of a workout in its own right.

And then there’s my 7 minutes because, well, every little helps.

Next year I will have a six pack when I put my bikini on again (maybe!)

I will have the energy to run across the sand with my children and not want to collapse before I get to the sea.

I will be able to teach a whole workshop without my back playing up because my stomach muscles will be strong enough to hold me upright.

Our bodies go through a lot when we have babies, regardless of what injuries and illness may also slow us down, but that doesn’t mean we have to put up with it. With the inspiration of some friends and the many super heroes from the Olympic Games, and the many more to follow in the Paralympics, I am slowly trying to get back into gear and remind myself that I once had a hunger for sport.

The Olympic Games may be over but I’m determined in our house it is just the start – for all of us. So let the games begin and “may the odds be ever in [our] favour!”

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“Hope Springs”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

A Midweek Miracle:

Stop the press. I have front page news. Last night, Little M actually slept for…..wait for it….are you excited??….8 hours and 40minutes straight!!! I woke up at 2am for a LJ toilet trip and the little beaut was still soundo. He came into bed with me at 4.40am, had a drink and then slept until 7.07am and I woke up feeling, well, almost human. There was certainly no springing from the bed and bursting into Disney inspired song about what a beautiful morning it is but definitely more ‘Sleeping Beauty’ than ‘Night of the Living Dead’!

After some horrendous (teeth fueled!) nights, and a couple of “good ones” that still consisted of atleast 4 hourly wake-up calls, I think this has to be considered the most successful night of sleep in the long sixteen and half months of restless nights so far!!

I post this not to gloat; believe me, even if he started sleeping soundly through every night I would never throw that in any exhausted Mother’s face because I know the pain it causes!

I am sure it is a one off and I am sure it will be another few months, if not more, before I am celebrating such a night again. I certainly won’t be throwing out the match sticks or starting a caffeine detox anytime soon but the main thing from this night is the knowledge that there actually is some HOPE. Other wisely Mums told me it was possible but I will admit my faith was beginning to wane.

I won’t make the mistake of trying to recreate the night from before – that never seems to work – I will allow fate to take it’s course and see what tonight brings but for now atleast I can enjoy the sun and the day ahead with my beautiful boys feeling atleast a little bit more energised than usual!

Are you experiencing a midweek miracle or still praying for one? Join the chat on Facebook.

 

Sweet dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“Toy Story”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

This post should really be called Why Most Toys are Pointless? But you know trying to keep up with this film and tv theme and all that  (which is starting to get difficult by the way. Who’s great idea was that anyway?!)

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No matter how many lovely toys you buy or borrow or are given. No matter how expensive or well made, why will a baby always go for the one thing you really don’t want them to have? Your iPhone (or quite frankly any device you, or anyone else, may be lucky enough to own), leads, photo frames, the washing basket, their brother’s dinner, the dishwasher and my personal favourite (and most dangerously feared of them all) the television!

You try and pass off an old mobile phone or broken iPod but alas those clever little monkeys know all your tricks and as soon as you turn your back to have a sneaky look on your Facebook page or place a bid on that amazingly priced Bugaboo footmuff on Ebay they are all over you like a rash!

And don’t give into buying that toy they will not let go of all the way through the toy shop when you are out looking for a birthday present because rest assured the minute, no the second, you get home they will have lost all interest and again start screaming because you won’t let them lick the end of your laptop charger! (Incidentally both my boys have done this now – the downside of not having a home office! And after LJ did it I tried it myself to see how bad it was – not a nice experience for the tongue – trust me as a Mama who didn’t learn her lesson keep them well out of reach!)

Then one day you think you have found it. The toy that will give you atleast 20 minutes of uninterrupted peace. THE ONE. Suddenly the hugely overpriced [train] is worth it’s weight in gold. You sit down with a hot coffee thinking finally I have the time to reply to that email and just as you open the laptop you hear it. That quiet but unmistakeable sound of a baby making its way over to you. You pretend your ears are playing tricks on you and proceed to open your inbox when you feel the tugging on your leg. You look down to see that beautiful face smiling up at you. You give them a quick cuddle and take them back to that new train – come on baby it’s made of real wood and painted in non-poisonous paint in colours that are going to turn you into a genius – but alas it’s losing its value by the second. You return to the computer and have barely even sat down before the tugging begins again. A move so stealth James Bond would be proud. Though at this point you fear a life of crime might be more up your child’s street.

You attempt to type one-handed until the whinging drives you insane enough to close your laptop. While looking for something else to amuse your baby, you start to think about who you could give the train away to as a present without them knowing it’s technically second hand, and just as you sit down with your baby they go quiet and start playing with the damn toy.

Once again they have won the battle but atleast you can drink your coffee while you play. You take a sip, it’s gone cold. You drink it anyway and pretend it’s a Frappe.

Sometimes being a Mother is like having a very small, but very loud personal trainer. It’s exhausting and sometimes a little bit tedious. I can barely reply to a text without listening to a soundtrack of the latest whinge and whines. The second I turn my back on the washing I have just hung to dry I find a trail of wet clothes in my wake. My house is full of toys but it is the neat piles of freshly washed clothes that Little M loves to play with so much. No sooner do I fill the dishwasher, spoons and plates are emptied and left on the floor.

So, how the hell did JK Rowling write those books with a baby in the nearby vicinity?? Maybe she really is magical.

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

Any tips? Leave a comment or join the chat on Facebook. 

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“Year One”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

 

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So my baby boy is about to turn 1! Where did that go?! I’m not going to lie to you and say it has been the best year of my life. Quite frankly it has been exhausting, hard work and at times pretty damn painful. I have most certainly had better times in my life – when I was young and single, doing the job I love and getting paid to see the world for example! But would I do it all again? Of course I would-in a heartbeat. Would I change a thing? Nope. (Well apart from the no sleeping – I would totally change that part!)

Being a Mum is a constant conundrum. A battle of our former (slightly more fabulous) selves and our current (bald patched, no clean clothes, exhausted) selves. We dream for the youthful energy and peaceful times that we took for granted yet imagine if suddenly we found ourselves without our babies and able to once again live a spontaneous and care-free life. Well, that kind of peace is unfathomable. Despite it all, now we have our children we would never go back. We just couldn’t.

As we speak I am watching a film* where a Mum tells her baby-desperate friend ‘“You don’t want to have kids. It’s awful. It ruins you. Do you want to see my Mama vagina? I’ll show you…” But this woman has 4 children. So Motherhood can’t be so bad huh??!

The truth is having a baby is not all rainbows and butterflies.

There are perfect Mums in the world who wax lyrical over every aspect of their perfect baby and maybe they are genuinely telling the truth but for most of us it is not so easy. Still, we are made to feel there is something wrong with us if we aren’t happy all the time.

If we are not glowing immediately after birth (sorry-must be all those hormones, the painful nipples and agonising effort just to pee all on 1 hour of sleep) or in fact for the rest of our child’s lives, then we must be missing some basic kind of Mummy gene. So much so that some Mums feel the need to lie. As you may have realised by now, I am not one of those Mothers.

Having said that, I suppose I too only put the good bits on Facebook – all the bad stuff I save for here! – but that’s because, when all is said and done, the good stuff does outweigh the bad and when my memories from last year pop up on my news feed of course I only want to relive the nice bits. The moments that made me smile. Plus the awful bits are so awful who would have time to grab a camera anyway?!

I think a Dad in the aforementioned film* sums it up best: “Being a parent is awful, awful, awful and then something incredible happens. Then, awful, awful, awful and again something incredible. It’s like this all day, every day but that one magical moment makes it all worthwhile”.

So yes, it has been a rollercoaster of a year. Filled with illnesses, lost friends and family members, very little sleep, bumps and bruises, clingy children, explosive poos, whinging 4 year olds, did I mention the lack of sleep?, tears, tantrums, fussy eating, sore nipples, hair loss, muscle spasms, back pain, sleep deprivation (oh wait, I said that). In short, a year of awful, awful awful but then……

It has also been a year of baby smiles and giggles, fingers grabbed by little fists, rolling over, eyes locking, cuddles for no reason, crawling, sitting, first steps, funny faces, blowing raspberries, walking across a room into your waiting arms, watching something you created growing and learning, revelling in their wonder and excitement, witnessing the most special relationship between 2 brothers blossom and that face.

A year of incredible.

All topped off with that simple word: ‘Mama’.

Like most things in life you have to experience the lows to appreciate the highs. The baby lows are so low you’re practically in Australia but that means you can only savour in the absolute magic of the baby highs.

I think the first year is probably the hardest but it is full of magic too and whilst I am sad that my baby is no longer a baby I am looking forward to following his adventures into Toddlerhood. I know there will be plenty of awful ahead but there will also be a whole load of incredible.

So Happy Birthday Baby M. I promise to give you all you need,  to keep you safe and make sure you never question that you are loved. I wish for you only happiness and to be yourself always. To explore, grow and learn at your own pace. I wouldn’t change a thing……(apart from the sleeping. Please start sleeping. Thanks!)

Sweet Dreams-

Mama Atzi x

 

*Quotes taken from the movie ‘The Back Up Plan’ starring Jennifer Lopez. Written by Kate Angelo.