“Virus”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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A ‘should be a Monday but it’s not’ Mini Moan:

So the dreaded MMR jab came around all too soon! And in Austria they have it at 10 months instead of 13 months so it seemed to come round really quick.

I have to say so far Baby M has endured all his jabs very well. The first one knocked him out a bit but since then he’s barely even broken a sweat. A bit upset when the needles went in but that’s it. Of course, it’s when they know what to expect things get worse. Fear of the injection being worse than the actual thing most of the time. Getting LJ into a doctor’s room these days is a matter of bribes – even when he’s not there for an injection!

Still, the MMR is a big one and as the pediatrician reminded us he is being injected with a live virus so of course a reaction is likely to occur.

The inoculation period is 10-12 days apparently so we have been watching during this time for anything we can blame on the jab!

All seemed well to start with actually but then day 8 Baby M suddenly developed a fever in the evening. It went by morning and there were no other symptoms at the time but since then he has been a NIGHTMARE!! Whingey by day, not eating properly (definitely not like him), diarrhea and of course sleeping worse than ever.

We’ve had crying and whinging in the night, refusing bottles, not particularly wanting cuddles, lots of wind and if we bring him in with us he just wants to climb or play. And of course despite all this middle of the night partying he’s still wide awake and wanting to get by 6am!

The only thing that has been ok is nap time as he’s obviously so tired, so even though he’s fought it sometimes he has still had his naps.

Day 12 was the worst. By the end of the day I was ripping my hair out.

If this is from the MMR injection I would hate to think what these poor babies go through with the real thing. I hope we never find out.

So the 12 days is up now and I guess we will have to see if things improve. My husband is holding onto the fact that this recent ‘bad behaviour’ is because of the jab. I hope rather than believe it to be true. Whatever it is I do pray it is a phase because whilst sleep deprivation hasn’t yet claimed the life of a parent (Really, I Googled it!) if this continues it may well get one locked up in a mental institute!

Has anyone else had a bad experience after a vaccination? Leave a comment or head over to the Facebook page to join in the chat.

Update: Day 14 and we are much improved. The last 2 nights have been almost back to ‘normal’ which is still not good but certainly better than it was! No doubt he’ll start teething again now…..

“Clueless”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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A Monday Mini Moan:

The hardest thing about being an expat (apart from being away from family and friends obviously) is the language. Most days I can get by and thanks to my weekly lessons I feel more confident in speaking what I can. I will always attempt to speak German when I am out and about and have even struck up a conversation with strangers.

But some days that’s not enough.

Today was one of those days.

When you go to a doctor surgery and have to try and explain in a language that is not your own about a prescription you need with someone that speaks a bit of English but not a lot that’s when the language barrier becomes not only frustrating but a little bit dangerous! Suddenly my German lessons feel like a waste of time; everything I thought I knew doesn’t exist and once again I feel useless.

You take for granted the ease of making appointments, going shopping, picking up prescriptions and all those other errands that are boring but in our own country and language completely simple.

Sometimes I feel the same about Motherhood. Whilst most days I feel I understand the needs and wants of my baby sometimes his cries or baby talk completely throw me. When he’s up all night crying and you don’t know why it is definitely frustrating and when in the morning his high temperature and lack of appetite alert you to the fact he was getting sick you feel like your inability to understand him when he needs you most is dangerous. You feel like a useless mother (again!) and guilty because you were annoyed he kept you up all night.

Living in a world where you don’t always understand everything is hard and sometimes it seems like I’m living in two of them.

I guess all I can do is keep striving to learn the languages. Whether I ever master them is another story but in the end all I can do is my best.

Do you ever feel like you don’t understand what’s going on around you?

 

“Breaking Bad”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

No need for the DEA, or atleast not unless they have a Wine Enforcement Unit, but someone might want to call the Mama Police because for the last week or so I have let Little M sleep in my arms at nap time! Gasp, shock, quick get that rod out for her back….

IMG_3797Possibly not the best idea I know but he’s gone from having half an hour only naps to sleeping up to 2 hours at a time which means I have actually been able to get some rest too. Something I have really needed recently!

And I have been able to put him down next to me on the sofa or bed (heavily barricaded by cushions of course) to go for a coffee or get some work done. Still I know this can’t go on forever. Can it?! And slowly I had better wean him back into his cot. Maybe just a few more episodes of ‘Suits’ first….

It has got me thinking about how he sleeps though. I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t like his cot it’s just that he still hasn’t learnt to self-soothe so by sleeping next to me I am there when he stirs and can respond quick enough for him to stay asleep. That means 2 things need to happen if I want him to stay in his cot for a longer sleep and most importantly if I want him to “sleep through the night” (an exhausted Mama’s favourite words!!), either

1) I need to get to him when he stirs quicker than I am (well that’s not gonna happen. I am a walking zombie in the night, I waddle like a marshmallow on Xanax) or

2) I need to ‘train’ him to ‘self-soothe’ but since both those terms give me the chills we may be back to square one here. Answers on a postcard please….

Whatever the case I once again feel like a bad Mother. It happens a lot.

Every time I give my baby a bottle the paediatrician says he doesn’t need, I feel like a bad Mother.

Every time my baby wakes up through the night when I know my friends’ babies sleep, I feel like a bad Mother.

Every time I see someone breastfeed their baby when I no longer can, I feel like a bad Mother.

Every time I put my baby down and he cries, I feel like a bad Mother.

Every time I see a new bruise on my son’s leg, I feel like a bad Mother.

But every time I walk into Kindergarten and hear my son shout ‘Mama!’ as he runs towards me, I feel like an amazing Mother.

And every time Little M reaches out his arms for me just because he wants to give me a cuddle I feel like I am doing something right.

And that is the wonderful thing about Motherhood because in a world where you can do 100 things right and only focus and stress over the 1 thing you got wrong when it comes to being a Mama every bad, difficult, stressful thing is wiped out with that 1 uplifting moment. That’s why a baby can keep you up all night and make you feel like you want to shoot yourself yet all they have to do is smile at you in a way that makes you feel like a superhero and all is forgiven.

I guess it all starts at birth. I mean, serial killers are locked up for life for causing less pain but yet we forgive these tiny strangers (supposedly forget – I’m still working on it!) the second they are placed in our arms. I don’t think anyone can understand that rush of love you feel until it happens to you but suddenly your life is not your own. There is something more important than anything else in the world and immediately you become their protectors. You would die for them. And yet you have just met. That is unconditional love at first sight. And our children are the only ones we feel that for.

Sometimes we will doubt ourselves and whether we are able to do this. Sometimes we will be judged for the things we do or don’t do (like letting baby sleep in our arms ;0) but always remember that no-one else can do what you do.

Only you can make the decision as to whether your baby needs that feed, only you can make your child feel safe when they wake up in the night, only you can provide your baby with what they need, only you can truly comfort your baby and when they are in pain or sad, or just proud of their new ‘war wound’, a child will always reach out for their Mama.

So call the Mama police if you must but I’m pretty sure our babies won’t press charges because when all is said and done only you can make your baby smile like that or cause your son to shout your name as he runs into your arms. You are their world as much as they are yours.

So whenever you feel like a bad Mother tell your children you love them. I bet you get the response you’re looking for. Whether it be a look, a smile or the most wonderful words in the world: I love you too Mama.

No judge or jury can ever take that away from you.

(And if not you can always crack open the wine!)

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x