So I think we have established that if there was a prize for taking THE longest time between publishing posts I would be top blogger by far! Luckily, I write this blog for my own release – and attempt to remain sane during the particularly exhausting parts of Motherhood – and in the hopes it makes a few parents in similar situations feel a little better and not as a career. And let’s face it life would be even more exhausting if I was relying on my blogging skills to keep my family alive since we clearly would not be able to afford food, electricity or, more importantly these days, Red Bull!
Still, as we are 4 years in to the #Brexit debacle and STILL no sign of a deal I hope you will forgive me for taking my time too – and I promise that is the last time I will mention the B word! (In this post atleast!)
Quite a lot has happened since my last post and at this point I must say that, honestly, most of 2018 is somewhat of a blur! I can definitely tell you, I became a proud Auntie, twice! Both girls! A role I must say I love. Mostly because you get to enjoy the cuddles and the cute bits whilst handing them back at the point of crying, pooey nappies or general grumpiness! But also because I finally get to buy girly clothes and toys!
I also know that the year ended in one of the best UK Christmasses we have had but all things that go up must come down and sadly 2019 started off the same as 2017 as we lost my Grandad in January.
Although I prepared myself this time round and could put a name to that foggy haze of grief when it hit, I have been filled, as last time, with those awful feelings of guilt and regret, wishing I could have, and knowing I should have, spent more time and effort visiting him.
It doesn’t matter that the costs of travelling regularly from Vienna to the North East of England are rather beyond me or that I have been working and setting up a business as well as raising 2 children, one of whom is now at school and therefore not so easy to just fly over to the UK regularly, those feelings of regret will always be there.
I can’t change the past though – as much as I would like to – but I can make sure to spend more time doing the things that give me “joy” (to coin Marie Kondo’s term^) and less time worrying about the other things which, I hope, will ultimately help to get rid of those feelings of regret and guilt. I think when it comes to the people you love there will never be ‘enough’ time anyway so all you can really do is try to spend the time you do have in the best way you can. Quality over quantity so to speak. In a nutshell, time goes quick (as we have seen) so make the most of it!
So on to the matter at hand, i.e. being an exhausted Mama….
Since last writing I have a 3 year old!!! (Actually by now he’s nearly 4!) I know – where did that year go right?! I told you time moves fast!
Not only that; we are out of nappies (by day) – wooh hooh! We have amazingly slept through the night more than once – wooh hooh! And we are actually somewhat conversing – wooh hooh! (Although he still prefers speaking in German. Both amusing – when he’s talking to my Mum who doesn’t understand a word – and annoying – when he’s talking to my Mum at 7am in the morning and I have to shout to translate!!)
Despite all of that we are still absolutely 100% exhausted!!! Because turns out that unlike LJ who really became an angel once he hit 3, Little M takes the terrible 3’s (or are we now technically into what I am calling the FFS 4’s?!) to a whole new level.
If it wasn’t such a serious status these days one might even refer to him as a miniature terrorist. His favourite word is ‘Nein’ usually said with the most evil of faces you will ever see on a cherub like 3 year old. If we go left he goes right. He would happily go to Kiga in his Pyjamas everyday. He’s the child that sees the Naughty Step as a fun place to be and pretty much would live off Kinder Eggs and carbohydrates if you let him! He idolises his brother and wakes up every morning either on a rampage to find LJ or in absolute tears because he has already gone to school.
Despite being a ‘the sun is up so I have to be up’ kind of person he is the grumpiest of kids in the morning ever. Now we all know I am no morning person but surely if you believe the sun is your cue to get up you should have some kind of sunny disposition to go with that…?! Kids and logic never did go well together though did they?
We have also seen 7 year old tears and tantrums as the reality of homework sets in and the trauma of learning to read has been something I did not ever expect (or know how to deal with!) – being someone that loved school and could always read beyond my years from an early age. Still, I can also sleep through anything (earthquakes, hurricanes, children screaming for more milk, toddlers jumping on your head….) and like to eat everything so I guess not sharing my educational feelings should not come as a major surprise either!
A few lessons from Super Nanny* did get us into a relatively calm period for a while. The cutting down on tv, chocolate, use of Mama’s phone and finding fun ways to do additional reading work has proved, as is often the case, that the simple answers are usually the best ones.
And sleep wise things have also been looking up…
I don’t know whether it’s just been my new outlook on life and dedication to Sarah Knight’s^^ method of “getting my shit together” and “not giving a f*&k” about the things I don’t want to, i.e. getting up in the middle of the night for anything other than illness, bad dreams or potential kidnapping, that has led me to believe Little M has been generally sleeping better or whether he really has been but either way, for the most part, I do feel a little like things on the sleep front have improved.
Which is good, because I am soooo over the not sleeping thing! It was bad enough that I was promised with baby 1 that he would sleep once he started eating solids then, failing that, he would sleep when he hit 6 months old….then when he walks……when he starts Kindergarten……when he hits 2……. blah blah blah. If you’re taking the time to read this then I imagine you know the drill!
Well, he was 3 years old! It coincided with (finally) giving up the dummy. So, with baby no.2, although I of course held onto a hope it would be “different this time” (cue more baby advice: number 2 is always easier and you only get 1 bad sleeper! INSERT “heard it all before so please shut up” emoji here) I also knew that chances are we wouldn’t.
I did not, however, expect it to be worse!
When we got rid of the dummies (earlier than we did with LJ) I really thought this would be it and when it wasn’t I convinced my self it would happen when he turned 3. After all, Little M had never really woken BECAUSE of the dummies so there was no reason for there to be a clear link between that and him sleeping through. What I should have considered is, that since we could never really put a finger on why he woke up (beyond the new baby period when he needed milk) that there was no reason to expect when he turned 3 he would miraculously work out that reason for himself and leave us to it!
The night we blew out those 3 birthday candles I smugly thought this was going to be it but of course it wasn’t. So I finally succumbed to my husband’s acceptance** that he was not going to sleep through and nothing we could do would change that. I must say it is quite liberating taking control of what you can’t control. And somehow it has got better. Somehow, without really noticing – maybe because by this point I am so exhausted I just don’t even know what is going on anymore – he’s sleeping. I can’t call it “sleeping through” because it’s not regular but he is sleeping!
So it seems acceptance is the key after all. I always took it as a sign of weakness. Like accepting meant you were giving in. But since I have been on this “get your shit together” quest I have realised that accepting is something you actually do out of choice and is therefore a sign you are in control instead of something being in control of you. By deciding enough was enough and realising that “get up for whinging child” should only be on my ‘must do’ list in the case of illness, bad dream or potential kidnapping, life and more importantly nights, have become decidedly better and so has my mood (honestly, it has!)
So it seems those ‘5 stages of grief’ guys were right after all and in the case of sleeping so was my husband (just don’t tell him I said that!)
We still have our sleep dramas – more on the traumas of actually getting the kids into their respective beds next time which I hope, rather than promise, will be sooner than 2020!
Sweet dreams –
Mama Atzi x
References:
^Marie Kondo – The Japanese tidying expert, star of Netflix show “Tidying up with Marie Kondo” and best-selling author who wants to spark joy with the KonMari Method.
Book- The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”
^^Sarah Knight – Anti-Guru, creator of the NotSorry Method and best-selling author of books aimed at Mental Decluttering and taking manageable steps to changing your life
Books referenced – “Get Your Shit Together” and “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k”
*www.supernanny.co.uk
** see ”Sleepless in Schwechat” http://www.exhaustedmamaclub.com/?p=46
