“Rollercoaster”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

 

Once again it has been a while. I know by now there is probably no point apologising but I’m British – it’s what we do – so sorry (again) for my tardiness/laziness/forgetfulness!

Despite my ravings of Marie Kondo and Sarah Knight it seems I have not fully “got my s@&t together” in order to focus on the things that ‘spark joy’ (e.g writing to you lovely people and in particular my 4 faithful subscribers! ;0)

I have actually written something since last posting but as is with life in general, things got in the way, and well Winter turned to Spring and suddenly we are in the middle of the Summer holidays (and actually since then we have fought our way through Autumn and back to Winter! 🙈 ) and I still haven’t actually got around to finishing it. Story of a Mother’s life hey?! Cold coffee anyone….?

So this post was going to be something of a mid-year diary excerpt – catching you up on all (or atleast most) of what has been going on in the world of this exhausted Mama – but now it’s kind of half a catch up and a bit extra lumped on the end to get you up to date!! 

As Ronan Keating once crooned, “Life is a rollercoaster, just got to ride it” and when it comes to my kids (all kids…?!) that is definitely true so hold on tight……

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I think one of the most talked about (aka moaned) “periods” of parenthood is the lack of sleep. People seem to think once they have conquered the holy grail of sleeping through the night that somehow everything else will be like rainbows and unicorns. Well, I’m here to tell you that that theory is a bit like believing having a baby will be the key to improving a failing marriage. 

Adding a baby into the already crumbling mix will of course add a whole lot more love and a common cause but it’s also adding a whole load more of stress and pressure and LACK OF SLEEP which is the quickest way to piss off even the most stable couples. 

Basically no matter what you conquer there is always something waiting in the wings to test you and nowhere is this truer than with children….

So, I think we are sleeping but …..

Little M has been decidedly better with sleeping. The stopping of Kiga naps and longer days have him snoring soundly fairly quickly (lucky Papa who always seems to be the chosen parent on sleep duty!)** To be honest though, despite looking forward to this moment for so long, I was too exhausted to even offer a high 5 and barely noticed it happen because, as is life, there is always a new challenge just waiting to take it’s place……

**Since writing this has drastically changed – Mama is now the “chosen one” and although he is still sleeping mostly through the night he is a nightmare going to bed! We lie there awake over an hour sometimes, we require 2 stories, it has to be in his bed, it can’t be too light or too dark and often he needs foot rubs. 

Yep – this one’s high maintenance what can I say?! 

Illness:

As of first writing; it’s that horrible season where there seems to be colds, chicken pox, flu and tummy bugs galore. 

We are a pretty strong family when it comes to illness and even if we do get sick we usually manage to deal with it quickly and effectively with no need of a doctor visit but even LJ, who is never ill, was knocked out in February with a weird bug (during half term holiday I might add though – ever the courteous child!) so I knew it didn’t bode well. 

And Little M has had an on and off cough for the last 3 months now. It literally feels never-ending. He finally slept through the night dulling us into a 2 night sense of security only to be destroyed by a hacking cough that now seems to only appear at night – usually 10 minutes into us trying to relax. 

We are at the point now the cough is annoying the life out of all involved ….. bring on the Summer please!!**

**UPDATE: Well, it is (was!) now the Summer. The cough has (for the most part subsided) but was still so ongoing and coupled with becoming quickly tired and possible allergic reactions that we are now on inhalers and keeping an eye to see whether in fact we are dealing with asthma. Like I said, knock down one obstacle only to find 2 more waiting behind. 

Injuries:

We had our first scary accident at the beginning of this year (last year now!) too. In his excitement at winning Uno LJ jumped up and knocked a boiling hot cup of coffee over his arm. Thank God for best friends who I had used as my excuse to get him to wear a smart long sleeve polo shirt or the resulting burn would have been a lot worse. I will also use this incident to highly recommend attending a first aid course and feel very grateful to Maria at the Ottakring Samiriterbund because with that knowledge and us all staying calm and treating it straight away we really managed to limit the damage and thankfully the trip to the hospital was very short and sweet. A cooling dressing had him sleeping soundly as always and he had no pain medication. My tough boy! A re-dressed bandage the following day and check up 3 days later showed it was healing well and everyone was happy. 

But uuurrgghhhh – that moment when your child is hurt  – horrendous! A sudden reminder that no matter how much they annoy you or keep you awake at night, it only takes a split second for them to be hurt, or worse, to remind you they are your world, and in that moment all that matters is that they are ok. Plus as Mum you are expected to keep cool and show your child that “everything is going to be alright” – even if you don’t know if that’s true. No wonder we carry around that constant worry! 

Homework:

Oh, the woes of school and homework….. I remember in my final week of Uni, as I slowly and steadily completed my final exams, essays and of course had that 10,000 word dissertation bound, that there was a happy air of relief lifted from my shoulders knowing I would never have to write a paper or sit an exam again (unless I consciously decided to). It was a real life-affirming moment. I didn’t counter into this moment that one day I might have a child who speaks a different language from me and the daily battles we would have to just sit down and look at the work! 

As someone that loves reading, and always did, I didn’t bargain on how hard my child would find this and how this would test my patience beyond anything I knew. Thankfully this frustration phase was much shorter than the non-sleeping phase was but in it’s own way it was just as exhausting. 

During the Summer homework was not compulsory but it is recommended and both the teacher’s pet and good mother in me had LJ doing (a little) bit of work every day. It was a fun battle as you can imagine – Deutsch and Maths workbooks don’t quite compare to sunshine, swimming, trampolines, ice-cream and tv – but the exhausted Mama in me is now mature enough to know that the daily battles now are better than the ultimate war we would have going into the second year of school having done nothing. It’s the slow turtle that wins the race in the end and all that……

**UPDATE: We are now into said 2nd year of school and after week 2 I am already dead so what this would have been like having done no work or prep I literally dread to think….Lesson learnt! Whatever preparation you think is enough next Summer – double it! 

YouTube et al:

We live in a world of streaming now. People and especially children don’t watch “live tv” anymore. You don’t have to set a reminder or recorder each Monday at 8pm to ensure you don’t miss your favourite tv programme. You watch it on catch-up. With Netflix and Amazon Prime you can binge watch your favourite box set in a night. Fancy seeing a film? You can buy or rent it direct from your tv and be sat munching your microwave popcorn within minutes. 

You can pretty much have what you want, when you want it, with a touch of a button and it’s great…until your kids realise that they too can watch or play what they want at the click of a button.

Parent blogs and, well, parents in general talk about “screen time” and it all sounds wonderfully grown up and regulated but in reality – with my kids anyway- it just doesn’t happen! 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I let my kids play on my phone or watch YouTube all day long (well, most days anyway…) all I’m saying is it’s harder to ‘regulate’ sometimes than I would like. And I fully admit that’s probably my fault because giving in for the quiet life is of course easier, albeit lazier, than sucking it up and being the “responsible parent” who simply says no. 

The hardest thing for us is the age gap between our children. LJ is at that video game age. For his 8th birthday he got a Nintendo Switch (like most of his friends already have) and he’s exploring his new found fine motor skills in the imaginative world that MARIO and friends have to offer and he’s full on engrossed in catching Pokémon. Of course, as a result of this, so is Little M who is in awe of his big brother and follows wherever he (unwittingly most of the time) leads. For the most part, it’s ok, but on the other side whilst I have encouraged LJ to play games that help his concentration and problem solving skills (my justification atleast!) I am not overly keen on my 4 year old watching bleary eyed over his shoulder. 

Hearing your youngest child – who let’s face it will always be your baby – cry for YouTube and MaWio (because he can’t pronounce his R’s properly) and by MARIO I mean watching supposed grown ups play whilst talking about playing said Mario game (apparently there’s some kind of living to be made from this – one that no doubt pays waaaay more than mine!) is not easy. 

As the Summer ends we have put stronger rules on this and “gameplay” watching is fully over (and will be furthermore so) but it’s like that red button you know you shouldn’t press when those pretty apps are just there on the home screen asking to be clicked on….. We will be tough this school year!!! 

The only silver lining – no Fortnite yet! Or atleast we managed to bypass the cousins enjoyment of this fairly quickly after visiting them on our Summer hols anyway! The Floss dance move is enough FN for me to deal with right now thank you very much!! 

**UPDATE: We have stayed very strong on the “screen time” especially before bed and YouTube barely gets a look in these days at all and life is definitely better for it. Super Nanny and the “simple life” rules really do work! 

SO WHERE ARE WE NOW…. 

Well, we seem to have blasted through the Summer of 2019. A weird time for me as it was laced with grief from having lost my Nanny in June.  

But we also had a great time in the UK this year visiting the Lake District and going back to my childhood by staying in a holiday park caravan! We ended the hols with a trip up North to see my family – something I am determined to do more of since Grandad died at the beginning of the year and as sad as it was the chance to reconnect with all my cousins at his funeral was really special and reminded me just how important family connections are. 

We had what was truly one of the most beautiful English Summer days in the world on the Cat and Dog beach where we played and swam and read and drank tea and ate chips and ice cream literally from sun up to sun down. Watching my kids play so happily the entire day with a couple of spades, a bucket and stones was just magical and I shed a few tears watching them and remembering those Summer days shared with my brothers and cousins as we holidayed with my Grandparents when we were young. It was one of those moments you wish you could bottle up. It was a perfect family day and proof that children do not need technology to have fun! They had nothing more than children hundreds of years ago would have had and I have never seen them so content and happy! 

Back to the real world and as you can imagine the school and work stresses piled up as ever! To be honest Autumn is an exhaustive blur. Apart from the Glühwein I barely remember what happened between school start and school finish but I know by Christmas I was so ready for a break and so were the boys!! 

It was Austrian Christmas this year which usually means far too many presents since our boys are lucky enough to be visited by Christ Kind and Santa and in all honesty the practically life-sized Godzilla under the tree felt a little much but the boys were happy and for the most part very well behaved. 

I can’t believe I am saying this but my favourite present this year was the cordless hoover we bought with our Christmas money. It’s literally a life saver! Letting us zap round the flat so easily that the place no longer feels like a bull was set free in a jumble sale (I almost forgot the English for that since I am now so used to Austrian Flea Markets!) It is amazing what a difference it makes to one’s mood to have a tidy flat! See Marie Kondo I am feeling the joy!! 

So, on to 2020…. New Year was great this year with my parents and brother coming to visit. The fireworks we normally enjoy watching from our balcony were a bit scarcer than usual – not sure if the “environmental” warnings or the wind put people off but either way it was not quite up to its usual par. Still, our Winter fridge was very much empty by the end of the holidays so we managed to still keep our festive cheer up and toast in the New Year in style. 

Having decided I rely far too much on a glass of wine to relax in the evening and having eaten waaaay too much over the festive period I have decided to take on the dry January challenge this year and am also intent on getting something of a 6 pack back (to be honest a 2 pack would do!) and to be completely frank just to feel a bit more energetic and fit would be nice! 

Age really does catch up with you! I feel like when I hit 38 some switch off that just turned me slower and slower! Everything is more of an effort these days. Our children are finally sleeping but the problem is now I feel so old and tired myself half the time I just go to sleep straight after they do! #Can’tWin 

I have also been really down on things the past year – longer actually. I think that’s been clear from the lags in these posts too and from reading back I can see where things changed. When my Grandad died. Grief really is a horrendous thing. I talked about acceptance in my Sleepless in Schwechat post and a couple since then and for me that’s truly the hardest stage. But as I have learnt from the sleeping scenario it is also the only one that allows you to properly move on. Or better yet to coin the phrase of author Nora McInerny^ to move forward. 

With that strongly in mind, this year’s New Year Resolution is to try and think forwards more than backwards. To be more positive and as a result I hope also happier. To try to stop worrying about the things I can’t control (or atleast not let them get me down so much) and instead enjoy the ones I can and better yet the ones I can create for me and my family. 

Because it feels like the blink of an eye between me and my brothers playing on that beach and watching my own little boys playing there. It’s a cliche but time really does go so fast and it would be real waste not to enjoy it! 

Sweet dreams –

Mama Atzi x 

ps We are on to day 3 of Mama’s no alcohol, get fit and energised mission and I can honestly say I have not felt this tired since Little M’s worst not sleeping nights…. the only way is up right?!!! 

 

 

^Nora McInerny –  Blogger of “My Husband’s Tumor” and author of “It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying is Cool Too)”, “No Happy Endings” and “Hot Young Widows Club”. She is also the host of a podcast called “Terrible, Thanks for Asking”.

If, like me, you have struggled with grief this woman knows all about it. www.noramcinerny.com

“Open All Hours”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

Chasing this little guy = 1 super exhausted Mama but sleep versus this face = no contest!

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Fear not fellow sleep deprived parents; I have not abandoned you. You should know by now that my long silences are usually the result of yet another bad sleeping period! And alas I can confirm that I am still very much an exhausted Mama.

It has been approximately 521 nights since our beautiful boy arrived and approximately 520 nights of broken, disturbed sleep.

I reported a midweek miracle not too long ago in which we had a fleeting moment of hope for more sleep filled nights but, as predicted, it was not to last and I can honestly say that is the only time in the 521 days of my darling boy’s existence that I would use the sentence “he slept through the night”. (I friggin’ hate that sentence!!! Even more so in question form!)

For a brief period I did feel like he was genuinely getting better. The milk in the night stopped completely and if he did wake up he would happily have some water or baby tea and go straight off again. I could cope with that. I think we have even had a brief period where he was only waking once.

But then the dreaded teeth started moving again. Dribble by day (literally covered in his own saliva like something out of Ghostbusters which is unbelievable for me as LJ never dribbled a drop!) and at night a little demon. Waking constantly in pain and discomfort. Ye ole faithful Calpol didn’t seem to deter it and only Bonjela on the dummy was enough to get him to doze off again – for a mere 2 hours at a time!

In the Summer though we somehow managed to get into a routine where we could just lie him down in the cot, leave him and he would drop off on his own. Previously he was a complete ‘rock to sleep in our arms baby’ so this felt like a real turning point and then that magical night came and I almost (almost!) let myself believe we had turned a corner but then…..yep, another damn tooth!

Since then we have had good and bad nights again. A horrendous couple of weeks when we got back home after our trip to the UK and then a bit more of a settled period. Recently he has been giving us atleast a bit of an evening before causing chaos in the middle of the night – sometimes literally wanting to get up and play at 3am! But he has atleast maintained a fairly quick routine of being put to bed on his own, and at a decent hour, so I guess I shouldn’t complain too much!

The problem with Baby M, however, is that no matter how he sleeps he wakes up early. Usually between 6 and 6.30am and as someone who is really not a morning person it just drains me. And when he has had a particularly bad night and then STILL wakes up at 6am it’s a killer. I am at this time truly grateful to the makers of morning children’s tv and can honestly say I have no guilt whatsoever about switching the tv on – when I can manage to wearily reach for the remote control – and let him sit between us in bed (oh yeah I forgot to mention he rarely makes it to morning in his own bed anymore!) watching cartoons whilst we try to snooze.

I will admit I am very lucky that my darling husband is always on breakfast duty. Sometimes I even get a coffee brought to me! I manage to drag myself up to get the boys dressed (around about the time of the Ritterburg cartoon) and LJ’s stuff sorted for kindergarten and somehow we are out of the house by 7.45. But most mornings it is a blur.

These days I am back home having done the food shop, put the washing on, tidied the kitchen and emptied or stacked the dishwasher by the time I would normally be hitting the snooze button and my brain demanding its first caffeine kick of the day. It makes me laugh to think I used to call 9am early! I can honestly say I have never been so tired.

I used to be a person that was up late into the night. Sometimes not going to bed until 2am, knowing I could get up late. The truth is I probably didn’t get all that much more sleep back then but the point was I was in control of it. If I wanted to go to bed early I could, if I wanted to get up late I could. Now I’m totally at the mercy of my children and it’s hard not being in charge of your own sleep patterns. It’s especially hard feeling so exhausted at 8pm that your body and brain already wants to go to sleep but that stubborn part of you that wants to be in control won’t let you go to bed that early. So instead you sit up watching Netflix or doing work that can probably wait.

At the time of writing this I am sat on a plane on the way to London for work. Child free! I can not wait to sleep. Don’t get me wrong I will miss my babies. I will wonder what they are dong all the time I am not with them but when I snuggle into those bed covers and lay my head down on that pillow I will be smiling. And when my friend’s little girl stirs (which she rarely does to be honest) I will simply roll over and be grateful that for once I don’t have to be the one to get up!

They always say you don’t appreciate things until they’re gone and sleep theft is no exception.

With that in mind though you just have to remember what you would miss more….sleep or your children. I know, sometimes that feels like a tough one!, but sleepless nights is just 1 short (albeit horrendous) period in their lives. Trust me, it took 3 years with LJ but we got there in the end.

When I have a particularly bad night that’s what gets me through. A life without sleep is tough but survivable, a life without my children would not be worth living.

So I’ll enjoy the sleeps I get and revel in moaning about the painfully exhausting nights that are oh, so familiar because in the end pain is good, pain means you’re alive.

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“The Holiday”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

For a family of seasoned travellers we don’t seem to have much luck when we go away and this, much awaited vacation, was no exception….

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My husband and I met working on ships and so were lucky enough to get to see some of the world together. Even if it wasn’t exactly a holiday – well for him anyway as he had a “proper job” onboard – we did see some amazing places together: India, South Africa, Namibia, The Norwegian Fjords, Iceland, The Seychelles amongst others and the times we had and the memories we made there were fantastic. But a few hours here and there are not the same as a proper holiday somewhere. When you work on a ship there is always a time pressure. If you are not back on board by your curfew you get a warning, if you drink too much and get caught you get a warning, you bring something on or off that you shouldn’t, you get a warning. 3 warnings and you’re off. So whilst it is amazing your time is still not fully your own, to do with it how you please.

And when you finally settle down on land with someone from another country you inevitably spend your holidays in the home-land of your other half. For the 5 years we lived in London most holidays were spent in Austria or visiting my family in Norfolk. We only went to another country once in all that time and that was due to a wedding.

Once we moved to Austria then holiday was reserved for England. So this trip This ‘proper holiday’ where you stay in a hotel where the sheets and towels are cleaned for you and all you have to worry about all day is whether to lie by the pool or the beach. Where all your drinks and food are just there waiting for you and you don’t even have to wash up afterwards. Well, this was very much what we have needed. To put it in perspective we haven’t even ever had a honeymoon so I think it is fair to say we deserved this holiday. But of course, when you have kids, anything goes….

The night before we flew to Turkey (yes, we went to Turkey and before you ask no we weren’t worried and yes we felt safe the whole time) I went on a rare night out with the ladies. I knew it wasn’t going to be my night the second I saw the missed call from my husband, who never phones me when I am on a night out. After a few calls and texts it becomes clear I need to get home quickly and when I do there are both boys wide awake and in bed with my husband because poor LJ has been sick everywhere, several times. We manage to get LJ to sleep finally but Little M is wild and running all over the place while I finish getting sorted for the holiday. By the time we get him to bed we have about 2 hours before the taxi is arriving!

We get to the airport, drama free, and then at security poor LJ is sick again – all over the floor! By this point I am also not feeling too good and soon after leg it to the toilet myself. A bug seems to have hit us. Little M has at this point also been suffering from conjunctivitis for a few days prior to the trip and isn’t 100% either so when the ‘Delayed’ sign flashes up on the screen it’s really not boding well. It’s the first flight of the day – how can it possibly be delayed already?! 

Somehow we board and depart on time. Hooray! LJ sleeps and all seems a bit better (once I have visited the toilet one more time!) and then, just as I have given Little M milk and am trying to lull him into a nap, he also projectiles all over himself and me and of course in the drama of the night before I have no spare clothes for him.

We arrive at the resort tired and covered in dry sick but the resort is beautiful and the sun is shining (I have surpassed myself on finding this place!) and all seems well again – until Stefan’s tummy also starts to feel a bit dodgy. By this point I think the holiday is doomed but somehow we all seem to be back on track after an afternoon nap and our first of 7 amazing dinners.

The weather was great for the first 2 days and then came my birthday. Actually I have no complaints. The weather forecast said rain all day but infact the morning was gorgeous and when it did rain, in the late afternoon, Little M was asleep in his pushchair, me and Lukas were snuggled and playing on the comfy sofas by the pool and the guys were at the bar in prime position to keep bringing me spritzers whilst making friends with the nicest bar man at the hotel (something that always comes in handy!) Back in the room I had a lovely cake waiting with Happy Birthday iced on the plate and I definitely made the most of the all inclusive bar that night. Everything was looking up so of course….

The next day we discover what looks like an allergic reaction on the baby. The spots came on and off for the rest of the holiday and a couple since we were back (although now nothing since). We thought it was the milk so went out for Aptamil but it wasn’t. Maybe something in the food but he really didn’t have anything he hasn’t had before. Our only real thought was the detergent or some kind of bug from either the beach or the beds. We still don’t know. Thank fully it didn’t seem to affect him and because of LJ’s allergies we always have piriton on us just incase. The plus side – nap time was great!

Thursday saw a full day of rain which was pretty gutting but luckily we had ship friends now living in Fethiye to meet up with so it didn’t dampen the mood and our last day was great. So despite it all we really did have the holiday we had hoped for. A shame that stupid tummy bugs didn’t give it the best start but when it comes to children, especially when they are in Kindergarten, unfortunately these things come to try you more often than you would like and usually at the worst possible times. Sod’s Law.

The moral of the story is it doesn’t actually matter what happens on holiday the important thing is that you make the time to go. Being away from home and work and real-life and getting to spend some quality time with our family was just amazing. Illness, bad weather, allergic reactions, whatever, it’s still better when you’re away from the real-world in a sunny climate full of happy, friendly people who are all there for the same reason – to relax and enjoy themselves.

I thought I would be really depressed once I got back home and I suppose for the first week I was suffering a bit of the post-holiday blues but actually now the sun is starting to shine here too, work has been great (if a little stressful at times!) and I feel inspired again for the first time in a long while. For me traveling the world has always been top of my list. Now I am a Mama it has to come a little lower but knowing we can do both and have an amazing time despite illnesses, bad weather and allergies makes the future all that little bit more exciting.

So bring on the next one…….

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

(We stayed at the all-inclusive Jiva Beach Resort, Fetiye, Turkey. Package holiday with Tui (Thomson Holidays) and we would thoroughly recommend it).

“Girl, Interrupted”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

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So firstly folks I do apologise for the delay in posting. As you know we recently made another trip home to the UK to see my family. I had hoped this one might be a little more successful than the last but I think it might have been even worse!! Of course it was wonderful catching up with friends and family as always and the trip certainly started well.

The boys were both good as gold on the flight over and the first weekend was spent celebrating Baby M’s Christening which was really lovely.

We did get some lovely days in – visiting friends, play dates, a trip to the beach, the Sealife centre and Monsters Soft play – but the following weekends were spent working for me and were pretty intense with cover teaching and dance school exams in London. Meanwhile both boys seemed to get hit with a tummy bug and Baby M decided this was a good time to get another tooth which is never fun! Sleep wise Baby M napped pretty well and on schedule if not always for really long and was also good going to bed but throughout the night he was pretty atrocious. I guess with hindsight we can put it down to that big top tooth coming through but once again it was not fun to be dealing with him alone. Especially with LJ waking up from bad dreams and also wanting to come into bed with me, something he hasn’t done for a long time.

But that is something I am once again learning about babies and now big brothers. That they just have a sixth sense about things. They know when your mind is on something else (i.e the big dance exam session you have coming up) and they know when something is going on that requires your attention to be more on the baby than the big bro.

The most apt example of this being when we tried to arrange a repeat of the fantastic naming party we had with the girls before Baby M was born (I had obviously forgotten that LJ stayed in Vienna with his Papa and Baby M was not yet a wonderful disruption on our hearts).

It went something like this……

I don’t get much time to myself. To just be me, rather than a Mother or Wife, so when I get the opportunity to spend time with friends, without children, it is special. Just for a little while it is nice, and important, to just to be Katy instead of Mama or Mrs Atzi.

And I feel very lucky to have a wonderful group of friends who I grew up with in one way or another and who are still my friends 30 years later. We have shared school, pantomimes, dance classes, Brownies, swim lessons, Sunday school, trips abroad, caravan holidays, injuries and illnesses, weddings, house warmings, birthdays and babies and every so often when I am back at my Mum’s we try to get together. Either a meal out or at someone’s house.

This particular nights was one of those get togethers. We had planned a Girls Night In at my Mums with food, drinks (a bit of Prosecco) and some games – silly quizzes and the like.

Baby M and LJ had been no bother going to bed for the last week at my Mums or in fact for the last month or longer at home but of course on the one night that we need them to play ball and go to sleep at their normal time it all goes wrong!

First Baby M had a later than usual afternoon nap, despite being exhausted at his usual time he fought it tooth and nail, eventually falling asleep in the car on the way home. Needless to say this meant he wasn’t quite so sleepy in the evening but he was still ready for bed at 7.15pm so all seemed on track still. Then, out of no-where, he pukes up his entire bottle of milk! All over himself and all over me and my nice outfit ready for the evening. Luckily he still was sleepy enough to go off but by now we are 50 minutes behind schedule.

Next comes LJ. My golden boy. He had welcomed all the girls, played nicely while we chatted and said a lovely goodnight to everyone. Now LJ likes you to lie with him until he falls asleep but normally this is fine because he literally falls asleep within minutes. We have a story, a nice cuddle and he’s gone. He was so tired – he had been rubbing his eyes before going upstairs – but no this night he decided to just lie there WIDE AWAKE!

I tried singing, cuddling, going to the toilet and hoping to come back and find him sleeping, I told him I would just go downstairs if he didn’t sleep soon. He squeezed his eyes so tight in a bid to make himself fall asleep but still he just lay there clutching onto me for dear life. I guess in his mind he believes we stay with him for most of the night when he’s asleep but because there were people downstairs he knew I was going to leave him as soon as he fell asleep.

I could hear everyone chatting and laughing downstairs, ok 5 more minutes, but then I heard them get up the table, plates and cutlery clanging, starting to get annoyed now – I wanted to do a game before we got to the table, another 5 minutes he’s still wide awake and I am getting really angry as I am missing the evening. I tell him I am going down anyway. The water works start. Proper hyper-ventilating crying. My Mum comes up and tells me to just go down but now I am upset and stressed and angry and feel like a terrible Mother, embarrassed to go down and quite frankly by this point my appetite is completely gone.

I do go down in the end as I need to calm down. My Dad comes down and says he’s sleeping already but when my Mum hasn’t reappeared 10 minutes later I know this was just a lie to encourage me to eat!

Back up I go and eventually he falls asleep. I did not hear another peep out of him all night. Grrrrrrrrr!!

Alas, after this trauma the rest of the night was child-free, happy and relaxed. Of course I saw Baby M several times later in the night but the bottle of Prosecco helped me cope with that and now we have another story to share.

The moral of which is don’t plan a night with friends expecting to rely on your usually reliable children. They sense something and always react. Next time I will make sure hubby is there to manage the boys while the girls have fun.

On a positive note it was lovely to see LJ wanting Nana to take him up to bed and read him stories and Baby M dancing away in Grandad’s music room. On a personal note I was very proud of my teachers and pupils in how smooth the exams ran and I got to be judge of a dance contest which showcased some amazing talent plus a successful girly shopping and lunch trip sealed me as a buddy of my best friend’s daughter at last! ;0)

So actually apart from the lack of sleep (well what else is new?!) and the crazy, busy work stuff, on paper, it sounds better than I remember! But next time, just in case, I definitely won’t be organising our visit solely around work. Next trip to Nana’s is going to be for fun, family and friends only! The way it should be.

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

“She Fought Alone”

Mama Atzi / / No Comments

 

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As we embark on our latest trip to the UK I am reminded of my last – not so successful one….

I consider myself pretty independent and a fairly savvy traveller. Living the life of an expat you have to be willing to go a few (thousand) miles every now and then or you wouldn’t see anyone you care about.

I have driven miles and flown alone with a baby numerous times and so far I have been lucky enough to have a very good little traveller to accompany me.

When I was 7.5 months pregnant I took 4 planes in a week. Travelling to London for my dance school exams then to my parents in Norfolk before flying to Paris for a very good friend’s hen-do and back home to Vienna (via London).

Little M took his first plane journey when he was 8 weeks old – he was a star – and he has flown 9 times since (only 1 flight was horrendous!)

I don’t say this to sound like a hero. I’m not. In fact there are many people who consider me crazy. Probably some of you reading this right now, and maybe I am, but that is my life. Always has been. I have always been the one to go the extra mile to visit a friend or family member. I always will. Because when it comes down to it family and friends are all that matter.  And because they have been used to it from an early age I hope my boys will do that too. I would like to think that when they’re old enough they would happily fly to visit their Grandparents on their own and of their own accord and not just because their Mother made them.

So, needless to say, we are a family of travellers. Hire cars, train journeys we have done the lot. And I am grateful that both my boys are (usually) very good (although Max is not keen on the train).

The travelling alone part doesn’t really worry me (although it is like doing a 5 hour work-out!). Now the first journey with both boys by myself is over and done with I feel even less worried. However, this time round, spending 2 weeks with no Papa to help out at night, amidst a teething frenzy, was not my idea of an adventure!

Usually I love being at my parents. Super Nana usually gets roped into breakfast duty by my ever demanding 4 year old, Little M likes his early morning snuggles and play-time with Nana and Grandad and Mama gets to enjoy a lie-in and cup of tea in bed. Usually.

Well, a lot of that did still happen but the nights, oh the nights were rough!! The worst they have been in a long time. And while my Mum tried to help as much as she could, not having hubby there was hard work.

You don’t realise until your sleep partner is missing how much you really work together. It is like a Pas de Deux of the night. Co-ordinated movements, complete understanding, unwavering trust. The perfect partnership in a dance of bottles, rocking and nappy changes in the dark.

Suddenly you are left to improvise alone. You pull it off because you are a professional after all but there’s still that sense of something being missing. Even when you are given an understudy, as wonderful as they are, they can’t compete with the years of training you have shared with someone else. The unspoken unison you share.

It teaches you to appreciate that support even more. I have always known how lucky I am to have a true partner in parenthood. I know not everyone does. Many Dads are happy to let Mum get on with it. After all they “work”. Mamas stay at home doing nothing all day right?! (I’m not going to get into that whole subject right now but for the record stay at home Mums rock!)

If you don’t have that support system I salute you. To any single Mum or Dad out there, I think you are amazing. Because having “fought alone” for those 10 nights (and I wasn’t even truly alone) I don’t know how you do it. Maybe your baby sleeps better than mine (not hard!) and of course the fact he got a new tooth didn’t help matters (for 2 nights afterwards he was pretty good actually) but I personally was very happy to get back to my husband and once more become a duo in the dark.

I am not too proud to admit that while I can do it alone, I hope I never have to. So, I will take the travelling if it means spending time with the people (and business) I love but the best part is seeing my boy run into the arms of his waiting Papa because having someone to come home to is what makes it all worthwhile.

Sweet Dreams –

Mama Atzi x

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